Today, strangely enough, I am feeling rather relaxed compared to last weekend...Wondering if that is a good or a bad sign for my exam on Monday. I have no idea if I am prepared for it...

But at least today I bought shoes. Shoes are always good...I think all women will agree. If you ever come to our flat the first thing you will notice is that it kind of looks like a shoe store of some sort...

The other thing that I cannot get enough of are sunglasses...never let me enter a store that sells sunglasses without taking my money from me first...

That gets me thinking: There is always something for everybody that is good for your inner balance. With me that would be:

if I am upset, taking a bath and/or shower (really upset means shower, just relaxing means bath)

watching either of the following: While you were sleeping, The Replacements, Pride and Prejudice or Dirty Dancing (note: These are mainly used for relaxing purposes, I do not mean to state these are the best films of all times)

shopping

reading a book that I really like and have read a million times before

having some tea / NOT having any coffee!!

having chocolate pudding

If you like, you are welcome to use these suggestions for yourself (if you have your own, please, by any means, share them with me, I am always open to new suggestions).

So...today I am going to wax all philosophical. Why? Because yesterday my company sent me to the Oktoberfest early to make sure our table would not be given away. "So what?" you ask (quite rightly). Let me tell you: I got there at 4 and the rest arrived at half past five. Hence, I was sitting there alone, being patronized by the waitress who felt sorry for me, starting to feel sorry enough for myself...

Now comes the philosophical part:

Since I was sitting there alone it occured to me that I was the only one in my company with no significant other (why the hell did they have to send me, they all would have had company!!) I started wondering about the nature of love. And I was thinking: Why did love survive? From an evolutionary point of view, I mean...Fair enough, procreation..but that works very well without love (even if men think women cannot distinguish, let me tell you: we can).

But love: Just imagine a Neo-Troglodyte sitting in front of his cave..being in love...swooning...dreaming...not paying attention to his surroundings...WHAM! Gets eaten by a sabre-tooth tiger.

Or unrequited love: Imagine another cave-dweller...love-sick...whining...pining..not paying attention...WHAM again!

So what I am saying is: love is only good for sabre-tooth tigers in the end.

Not that I do not endorse being in love...it is just not really productive to either be in love or to be love-sick. Though most of the time you fall in love with the wrong people. Let me elaborate my experiences for you:

1. Was in love with my best friend
   
2. Told me I looked like a frog. I met him recently, though and he has lost all his hair, gained 40 pounds and is heavily on drugs. Talk about justice, when you need it :)
   
3. Became my boyfriend but could not be persuaded to go out with me because he would not spend any money except on Alien Special Edition Videos *cough*nerd*cough*. Not that there´s anything wrong with buying lots of Videos/DVDs but when you have spent ages to find a cheap place to eat because Pizza Hut was "too expensive" while you starve to death you also start seeing shopping sprees with a less than thrilled eye. He also owned one T-Shirt (Metallica) which he would bring to his Mom now and then to get it washed. Since I saw my future life passing before my eyes and it was quite unexciting I broke it off. Met him recently. He was wearing the Metallica T-Shirt. He got married this summer...I wonder what he wore for the wedding. Well, never mind. Sounds quite shallow of me now that I read it but it was mostly the "not being able to tie your own shoes without Mom" that actually drove me away.
   
4. Shagged me and left
   
5. Became my boyfriend and started off our relationship by spending our first christmas with his Ex. Was more interested in his clothes and his motorcycle than anything else (apart from himself, a topic that yielded endless room for conversation). Still owes me money for de-hairing his back (eww... gross... yes I know)
   
6. Blossoming love suddenly ended when I discovered he was married. Well, two months is a long time during which his wife might have misbehaved and he needed comforting or some such...Basically the fact left me speechless. Why even bother to get married when you plan on cheating after two months' time??? (If he waited that long, I somehow doubt it.)
   
7. And finally....picked another wrong guy.
   

In case some people who know me and who are keeping stats on my love life are saying: "That does not quite add up"...I told you I could distinguish between love and not-love (not-love meaning: "oh well, he is quite cute but I would not mind if we split up again" or "Completely drunk and not realizing he has no chin until the morning after"). I actually would have to exclude No. 6 from the list because I never really was in love with him, so he does not count. But his story was too good to be left out...

Anyway. These are my experiences, and as you see they are not the best, so no wonder I am feeling a little bit put out with love at the moment. Feel free to share your experiences, too, if you´d like...

Yay!!! My first exam lies in the past...and it actually went quite well. That is to say the grade was good while the exam (in my opinion) wasn´t. I answered "Don´t know" to a third of the questions and another third I was floundering around. To give me a good grade seems kind of unfair to people who know a lot. Hmmm...none of my concern!!

Awfully tired now since I haven´t slept too much last night (though I was cheered up by the end of the evening, thanks again :). Tomorrow I have to go to the Oktoberfest with the people at work...maybe I can go home early, I don´t really feel like squeezing into my dirndl and dealing with masses of people. Only bearable when completely drunk, I might add. But you cannot really misbehave in front of your employer, so the right state of drunkenness will have to be carefully maintained...

So. Tomorrow`s the day...actually, today is. Can´t sleep anyway...

I really hope I will not have a black-out or anything, I just want to get this over with.

Thank you everybody who had to put up with my crap the last few days...I hope the other exams will not be as bad.

I am wondering if tea and cookies to calm my nerves afterwards still are an option to consider...oh well.

The weekend went quite like I expected...by now I am almost out of my mind. My stomach hurts and I feel really sick most of the time...hooray. Constant worrying also eroded my ability to focus on the task at hand, great. So I cannot even analyze the personality disorders that I acquired...and taking baths all the time to calm down is also not really a valid option.

On Saturday I did not get much sleep, either...on the Oktoberfest somebody stole Uli´s bag with all of her things including her keys. So she called me up late at night if she could come over...which took some time, I might add.

And on top of it all, I am also feeling miserable. Not telling you why though. Just sharing my emotions so you can pity me and send me comforting e-mails :-)
Don´t mind me, at the moment I would even find a rock depressing if it happened to be in my vicinity. Thank goodness we live indoors or I would indulge in crying fits all the time. I am rambling on so I do not have to return to my books....but I have to...will somebody shoot me please and put me out of my misery...thank you very much.

I am now officially a nervous wreck. High on caffeine and nicotine most of the time (which helps a lot) and totally jittery. The exams are driving me nuts...which nobody believes me because normally I do not mind speaking in front of people at all.

But put me in an oral exam situation and I am reduced to a quivering mass of fear with a black hole on top of my shoulders (not a pretty picture, I grant). And now I am in a state being frightened of fright...great.

So yesterday all I could do was take a hot bath which always soothes the nerves...soaking in the tub..imagining a better universe...

In this context, I am wondering: Is it a good idea to imagine a perfect universe where everything works out the way you want to, when you have to live in this one anyway? Will visualising good things make them come to pass, after all, or will it just leave you thoroughly depressed? Discuss.

I wish there was something to take my mind off things this weekend. Instead, everybody seems to be going to the Oktoberfest which I do not want to as that would seriously interfere with my study plans. Great!!
It just seems to be destined to be one of those out-of-body-experience-weekends...oh well...this too shall pass.

Thank you for your kind attention. I will now go immerse myself in a book and pretend I am working.

Someone = Paul :-)

Official Apology. To some.

I have been called "hard" and "unforgiving" for my comments about dorks and such. So today I´ve decided to make amends. I hereby solemnly swear you can meet nice guys through ICQ.

For example, yesterday one guy invited me to dinner which turned out to be great fun. (Though it depressed me somewhat as his apartment seemed taken straight from "Better living" and mine looks like crap...I will never get design prizes)

And, contrary to my expectations you CAN have non-boring conversations on ICQ....
By the way, you might want to check this out…someone pointed this out to me and I really like it: disco volante

Had a very bad day today. All of a sudden my exams start looming on the horizon...I was told to research 300 more pages of literature ("all new studies, if you don´t mind") which means visiting the library even more often. And you remember how I feel about libraries....oh well..not everybody is cut out to finish university....

So. How was the party? It did kind of suck. Kind of. They gave us free food and alcohol...that was the good part. But there were terrible people there. There´s nothing worse than semi-famous people.

Ben "Son of Uschi" Tewaag.

Walter "Formerly I used to live in the Big Brother Container but now I am a bad actor".

Tommy "Since I left Samstag Nacht I obviously cannot afford a pair of decent pants" Krappweis.
Can it get any better? I don´t think so.

Or didn´t until we left for the Nachtgalerie (which can only be borne if you had at least 17 beers) and met people from Weilheim. (Sorry Weilheimians/Weilheimese/whatever, but it did not seem the Metropolis yesterday)

I think I learned my lesson: staying home on your couch does not look so bad anymore all of a sudden.