Gone Snowboarding...

To escape dreary New Year's Celebrations, Ulisch, Jessi and me are escaping to Livigno. We'll return January 4th for more zany antics in the year 2003....Enjoy!!

Did you know that my blog contains unsuitable content? I submitted it to a webring and they rejected it for that reason. Maybe it's too racy...with it's detailed description of my sexual conquests and all. Hint: Pause to consider the possibility of irony and don't go searching through my archives rightaway... Maybe I should give warning or card my readers before embarking on non-youth-appropriate topics?
So if you're legally not allowed to read the following, piss off!

Today's topic: Smoking and the Passage of Time.

Granted, being a smoker has many disadvantages. There is one thing, though, that non-smokers will never fully appreciate, which is being able to divide time into cigarette lengths. For example, you never need a timer while cooking. "I'll smoke a cigarette and then the noodles will be ready." (Though, admittedly, having a cigarette in your mouth while you stir food screams "White Trash" at the top of its lungs). And you never have time to be bored, because there's always time for one more cigarette while you wait. Time goes faster while you are smoking... Also, it extends social gatherings. Smokers don't just get up and leave. No. "OK, let's have one more cigarette, then I'll leave." can commonly be considered smokers' farewell. And I think always being able to have that last cigarette together is a rather positive thing. Not to mention having the possibility of that last cigarette while you wait for your execution, but let's hope it doesn't have to go that far.

While writing that I have to think about one occasion... I've had this theory for quite a while and then I was at a party and some guy said exactly the same thing. That was kind of strange. Meeting someone who - at one point or another - thought the exact same thoughts you had been thinking. He turned out to be a real jerk, by the way. I wonder whether that means I'm thinking a jerk's thoughts or if he accidently just stumbled onto my brilliant train of thought... The latter seems more appropriate in my opinion. (Please withhold comments in the line of "Well I thought you pretty much sucked, too", thank you very much, why are you reading this anyway??)

So much for deep thoughts. If you're reading this for the express purpose of keeping up with my life, here's the diary stuff...

Been out on Saturday, it sucked (kind of). And here's why. I want to add another specimen to the list of "People I hate": If you're not Miss/Mr Universe you might know them...somebody who enters a room and immediately decides you don't live up to his prettiness standards. Somebody who talks over your head because if you're not pretty, hey, you must also be stupid. Somebody who introduces only your pretty friend to the people that you meet afterwards and ignores you for the rest of the evening. I know it shouldn't bother me that much because, well, what do I care what somebody I just met thinks about me... But it did bother me anyway and pretty much ruined the evening for me because it made me feel short and fat and stupid.

Maybe I am overreacting to this because I myself have entered rooms that contained people that I did not get along with, yes, it has happened occasionally and it wasn't solely based on appearance. Maybe he just did not like my attitude. Or whatever. But I really don't think so. And that pisses me off so much I can't even begin to tell you.

One last thing: If you like Lord of the Rings you definitely should read this. And don't stop until you've seen the film with Humphrey Bogart, heard the rap version and (for the most hardened of stomach) saw Leonard Nimoy intone a song about Bilbo, Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins.

I got "Notes from a Big Country" as a present for Christmas. And I thought...Bill Bryson always writes short columns...it's not that far away from what you do on a blog. But his columns are damn funny. My blog entries aren't. So I thought maybe I should pick topics to write about and not just ramble on about my life (because nobody would think that funny, I certainly wouldn't.) This blog started out with me writing thoughts and stuff, it was just in the last weeks it got this depressive boring diarylike quality. Back to the thoughts on life, the universe and everything, I say!

One thought goes as follows: Did you ever notice that certain conversation topics always elicit the same answers?
I'll give you some examples so you can go and try them and see what happens:

• "I am a vegetarian."
  
  Answer #1: Do you eat fish?
  (No. What is fish in your opinion...a plant???)
  
  Answer #2 (sometimes follows #1): Do you eat chicken then??
  (Ahem. See above. Are you stupid?)
  
  Answer #3 (most popular): Oh, I do not eat a lot of meat either!!
  (And that makes you what exactly? And why should I care?)

  
  

• "....Berlin...."
  
  Answer #1: Berlin is a great city. Munich, on the other hand is a village, you know.
  (Applies if you are living in Munich)
  
  Answer #2: In Berlin, you can rent great apartments for a low low low price.
  (Munich, on the other hand...Answer #1 probably ensues in just a second...brace yourself)

  
  

• "I heard Mallorca was quite nice."
  
  Answer: That's true!!! Mallorca can be quite beautiful! Especially if you go away from the touristy places. You might travel further inland. You can hike or bicycle...Mallorca's not just El Arenal....

  
  

• "I used to work at Disney World."
  Answer: As Mickey Mouse?
  Oh, you're the first person to ask this question...it's HILARIOUS...how did you come up with such a witty remark???

These are just a couple of examples, if you find more, go ahead and comment because I always am on the outlook for new party material :)
I recommend the Berlin and Mallorca statements as party conversation, especially if you're with likeminded friends talking to one unsuspecting victim, who without doubt will chime in at the drop of a hat about the beautiful Mallorca almond trees...

People are so predictable sometimes. And so probably are you and me. Be afraid. Be very, very afraid of meeting people like us at a party.

Enough with the holiday spirit!!! Want to see something that is a sad excuse for either a movie or a movie trailer? It is the trailer for "House of the Dead". Oh my god. They can't be serious. Quote: "5 teens at a rave. On a desert island. They wanted fun. They found zombies." What the fuck? You have been warned. I just saw that it stars Jürgen Prochnow. Maybe he was old and needed the money.

Back to the roots....

I deleted yesterday's post because I thought it was too depressive in retrospect. Hey, it's my blog and I can do whatever I want. I just get cranky around christmas time because I have this perfect plan for my perfect christmas and I never get to have it. And it would be easy...Here it is:

1. Get up late.
   
2. Go out for extended breakfast/brunch with boyfriend.
   
3. Take a walk in the snow (hey, it's supposed to be perfect).
   
4. Go and have a Glühwein at a christmas market.
   
5. Cook a lovely christmas dinner together.
   
6. Have lovely christmas dinner.
   
7. Give each other a small present (just for unwrapping something)
   
8. Snuggle up in front of the christmas tree.

See? Easy. Not: Christmas in Tahiti. Not: Present me with a Ferrari. But did it happen once? NO. It always ends with me standing in front of my parents' christmas tree singing and being cranky. (While I love my parents I'd prefer to visit them the next day for lunch, thank you very much.) Anyway. Maybe it'll happen one day...a girl can still dream, can she not...So to all of you:

Merry Christmas !!!

OK. I just came back from the cinema. And I want to add one thing to my hate list:

Fucking Commentators.

You know what I mean? People who do not frigging stop commenting on the movie. "Wow, look at this!", "Yeah!", "That must have hurt!", "tsk, tsk, tsk"...I don't want to listen to your bullshit after waiting for the "Two Towers" for a year. At least they shut up when there was dialogue. I guess they did not speak much English. Quote: reading the subtitles "What's a falter?" Noooooooo....

It was a great movie, by the way (whenever I was able to concentrate on it). It has the same great cinematography as the first part (New Zealand rocks, too), CGI Gollum is really amazing (I almost cried at one of his scenes) and the battle scenes are awesome. There were a couple of "overdone" scenes like Gandalf's horse galloping towards him in slow motion like straight out of a Marlboro commercial, but oh well. The only thing that I really did not like were the Ents. Their design did not fit my inner picture of an Ent (much, much bigger), plus, there were some special effects that really did not compare to the rest of the movie and really looked like blue screen used to. Maybe it was blue screen.

But that wasn't too bad, so I would have thoroughly enjoyed the movie if it hadn't been for the assholes next to me. It's especially frustrating because there is nothing you can do about it. If somebody is heckling a movie I do not like it, either, but I can understand it (I have to admit that I've done that, too, but only if the movie reeeallly sucks aka "The River Wild"). But why comment? If you want to comment on something, go and direct your own movie and then you can do a director's commentary. Or go into journalism and comment on football games. Or fucking stay at home and fucking rent a DVD where nobody gives a fuck if you yak and yak and yak. Pardon my French here but I am really pissed off at those morons. Having said that, I sort of feel better (thank you all for listening :)

Tried to get images to appear on my blog...to no avail...and I so much wished to show you the ChristBonsai :)

I've got a new scanner, too and wanted to show off. Bad luck. (More for me than fore you, but anyway.)

Actually I got lucky today, because I first won third prize at Tini's Mom's Christmas Raffle (not what you thought, as if...). Afterwards, I got a gift bringing additional luck: an elephant from Sri Lanka. I hope carrying it around in my wallet will increase my hitherto rather meager luck to infinity and beyond!!

We also opened fortune cookies, but alas, mine was boring....it said: FORTUNE COOKIES ARE FUN or something to the extent, which really did not tell me anything about my future. But nothing ever will beat my favourite fortune which I will offer to you now as it may also bring joy, happiness and enlightenment to your life:

Your dentist has made a mistake. But it doesn't matter.

Thank you and good luck to all of you!

There, there, my dear. It's all big and shiny now. :)