Sometimes I wish I wasn't right.. If I was right about THIS I probably am right about THAT as well. And that would be one of the worst things ever. And no, I don't want to elaborate what I mean, this is a totally private thought and I don't even know why I am blogging it but I had to get it off my chest. Thank you.

It was only supposed to be the Singing of the Song and the Eating of the Cake...but it quickly degenerated into the Drinking of the Gin and then further on into the Drinking Anything That Vaguely Resembles Gin (and if you include red wine into that category you know you've come a long way). And from then on it's not a big step to Drinking Everything You Can Still Hold While Telling Lurid Stories (Whenever you hear the phrase: "What's the most unusual place you've had sex at?" you know every single person present will not be allowed to drive a vehicle for at least a week) Just returned home feeling slightly woozy. At least I won't have time to develop a full blown headache or anything the like as tonight we are actually planning to celebrate Ulisch's birthday. Better freshen up...

This is damn funny...but I guess lots of people didn't get it. *Sigh*

Still feeling a little out of sorts. Maybe I'm coming down with something. I'm just so damn tired all the time. Yes, I know what you're thinking: "She's up all night blogging and then bitching about being tired while WE have to work." You are so right, my dears, and I sincerely apologize :) But I used to be up blogging and still not stumble around like a zombie all day which I am doing now. Today I met some friends for lunch and had a hard time concentrating on the conversation because my mind was like ...fluffy....vague...a blank slate...whatever, you get the picture.

I hope nothing's wrong with my medication (in case you didn't know my thyroid is MIA). Guess I'll have to go to the doctor. But I hate going to my thyroid specialist. You get up freakin early, he sees you for 5 minutes, asks you the same questions every time, doesn't listen to what you say and then takes a blood sample. Charges you an arm and a leg for that, but hey, what's medical insurance for??

I wonder why

• some doctors never listen to a word you say. Maybe they are used to a lot of hypochondriacs who barge into their practices demanding to be treated and offer obscure symptoms. (Hey, I almost died because of that so I have a right to be bitter)
  
• doctors sometimes hit you somewhere and ask: "Does this hurt?" - "Of course, you just freaking hit me...".
  
• the only time a doctor can squeeze you into his/her tight schedule is first thing in the morning but you have to wait for an hour anyway and get sneezed on in the really crowded waiting room.
  
• dentists keep filling your mouth with all kinds of equipment and still expect you to carry on a coherent conversation.

Disclaimer: Actually my regular doctor and my dentist are both great so I have nothing to complain about really...didn't you read my mind was quite foggy? I think I'll go to bed now.

Yesterday I really was out of everything...just sat on the couch and could not move the whole day. Oh well, at least I got to read and finished "The Corrections". For the longest time I was not sure whether to like it or not but decided I did in the end. What I did not like was that every other paragraph I had this vision about the author sitting there, thinking about the great book he was going to write...you know what I mean? Just a little too smug for my taste. (Did not help that I had heard things about Jonathan Franzen that I consider smug. And I just discovered that his website is pretty pretentious). But I had to admit the book was well written, and he is so right on a couple of times that I had to grudgingly concede I liked it and even considered reading it again.

It also gave me a Thought of the Day:

It's about a screwed-up family (sort of, I guess there might be families a lot worse) whose mother does not want to deal with the fact that her children are less than perfect and thus is under a "blanket of self-deception". I liked that metaphor and have been thinking about the term self-deception. It's actually a misleading term, I think. Let me elaborate what I mean:

Self-deception never works as an actual deception as you can never fully deceive yourself. If you could, it would be called belief. Self-deception implies that you are fully aware of the fact that you are trying to "deceive" yourself about. And thus, it can never work. It's like a mask you put on your disfigured face to pretend you're good looking. But you're not. And you know it. To use the aforementioned metaphor: Self-deception just covers you in a blanket. But if the blanket's suddenly yanked away, don't pretend to be surprised, because you knew all along.

Well, it's actually pretty deceptive, after all, because it sure does not make your life any easier: while you maintain the deception, you always have that nagging suspicion that you might not be right and a lingering fear that your blanket will be taken away and you'll be exposed for the fraud that you are (to yourself and to the world). We still like to use self-deception an awful lot, I guess.

So much for the deep thoughts that coursed through my foggy brain while I was trying really hard to give up any self-deceptions that I have...

By the way, if you're curious, now I am reading Slaughterhouse Five which I loved from the start. I can't really tell you yet why, but it might even be on par with my love for John Steinbeck (Cannery Row being one of my alltime favourites).

Feel like someone hit me on the head with a hammer...when D. came home this morning she found me on the couch wrapped in a blanket staring woozily into space. I really don't know why, I went to bed pretty early. It's probably just that all my energy is used up. Out now.

Can't wait to actually turn on the fridge.. doesn't really matter as I have nothing to put inside and it's Sunday which means no frozen food until tomorrow. I somewhat hate Sundays, can you tell? Bad Limbo again...

I actually was out yesterday and it was fun. I went to a club I hadn't gone in years...it's moved to a new location but apart from that it hadn't changed much. So I got to jump around on the dance floor living out my inner grunge child again...:)