OK. Today I have a couple of different strains of thought...

#1: Scary part of the day
Foremost on my mind because I may not be able to sleep today...just returned from the Sneak Preview and saw one of the scariest movies in a long time aka The Ring. Now I had read a couple of reviews before and apparently there are two kinds of opinions about this movie...either you think it's total crap or it scares the shit out of you. With me, it did the latter. I went with Ulisch and Tinisch and her boyfriend, and Ulisch showed the exact same reaction as I did, the boyfriend thought it was scary as hell, too, and Tinisch found it unscary and pointless. So that's three out of four for scary...I can't remember when it happened the last time that I did not watch the last 45 minutes of a movie because I had my ears plugged up and was trying to cover my eyes as well (really hard to do, by the way)....

What was so scary about it? / Why would I think it's crap? you ask...well, it contained a lot of surreal images (it was really well photographed by the way) which either scare you or you think they are completely pointless. There weren't many gory scenes - I can take those just fine - it just evoked this scary atmosphere that really grates on your nerves. Add to that the scary music and the occasional jump-out-of-your-seat-scenes and you've got yourself the recipe for driving me close to a heart attack.

Last time I was so scared actually was a Buffy episode (that I still haven't managed to see in its entirety, mind you) called Hush. Yeah, I can see you now going "Scared of a Buffy episode..huh...*cough*bullshit*cough". While I admit to being scared easily, that episode really is scary!!! It is (almost) completely silent and the monsters are called "Gentlemen"..really polite, smiling all the time..until they very politely cut people's hearts out..gave me the creeps. But I digress. My point is, that episode had the same kind of eerie quality that this movie possessed which makes me freak out. At some point I actually considered leaving the theater, because I anyway wasn't able to look at the screen...

#2: Fun Part of the Day
In contrast, this is the fun thing that happened today: 2 years ago, Ulisch and Jule had promotional pictures taken for the Trimini (spa kind of place). "Just for a small brochure" they said...now huge posters of Jule appeared everywhere throughout Munich and they both can be seen on the spa's website. If you want to take a look, see here: www.suchdasulischundjule.de

#3: Discussion Topic of the Day
I was thinking about lies. Recently, I was telling a lie. Just a little white lie, nothing much. But now I am thinking this lie could be really inconvenient later on. You know, when sometimes you think it's just easier resorting to a little lie but later it gets blown way out of proportion and makes everything that much harder. If you had told the truth in the first place, maybe trouble like that could have been avoided. Plus, later on if you think the truth should be told now, it's much more inconvenient because you have to explain why you lied etc. But there usually is no rational explanation, it was just a spur-of-the-moment-decision that you regret later...I would make a vow of complete honesty from now on, but I do not think I will keep it... I was just wondering if everybody felt like that or if you have no trouble with that, either because you always stick to the truth or because you think lying's not a big deal. Maybe I am just too honest..lying makes me uncomfortable. And expanding a lie to cover for myself makes me even more uncomfortable. Whatever. Again, this probably is a moot point but I thought I'd just share it with you...

Since Ulisch is daily trying to comment on my blog (and only halfway succeeding most of the time) I invited her to share my blog..so if you see strange posts, it might just be hers :))

Regarding yesterday's comments she is probably right. You need something other than matching interests etc. I'm just saying that given the right circumstances, it's just coincidence/fate/strange things happening/insert right term here who you end up with.

And I still am convinced that it is much easier keeping up a conversation if mutual interest has been established (5 Mark ins Phrasenschwein).

Still, fate is a funny thing. What if...

you hadn't been on holiday while your friends met a guy who invited them to an interview for the job you had been wanting to do all your life

you hadn't accepted the invitation to the party where you normally would not have gone but ended up meeting your boyfriend

you hadn't stopped to put your laundry into the washing machine before you went to the Oktoberfest with the express purpose of riding the roller coaster that crashed the moment you got there

What ifs can turn out either way... mostly you ponder the what ifs that turn out badly (in your opinion, it might just be that those what ifs really were good what ifs but you did not see at the time) So it's probably not a good thing to worry about them a lot, but in some cases it's fun. I always liked "What if..." threads in movies or comic books.

Which reminds me that it's christmas time and "It's a wonderful life" will not be shown on German TV...damn!! Which in turn reminds me that I really want to see the film A Christmas Story again...really funny but nobody else seems to know it.

And back to the "Shut up and look pretty" topic...my roommate insisted that you take a look at Sark here.

Then again, who cares about frigging conversation: conversation schmonversation

Met my ex-boyfriend today...and I have one thing to say... it got me thinking again on the subject of men (different strain of thought than usual, though):

We were supposed to go out do something but he was kind of exhausted and so we stayed at his place and talked. And I have to admit that it was kind of boring. Don't get me wrong, I like him a lot but it seems we just did not have that much to talk about. So I was wondering: Did we ever have anything to talk about? Or does the physical interaction that you have as boyfriend/girlfriend take up that much of the time you spend together? Meaning: When out of conversation material, just start kissing...

What I am trying to say is this: Take any two single people that do not hate each other on sight and are kind of able to maintain an interesting conversation, say, on a party. If both of them agree that they could be in a relationship, does everything else not matter? Is it just a thing of being at the right place on the right time with anybody? Or are some people more suited to be in a relationship?

Sounds kind of cynical, you say. What about love? you say. But isn't it true that you might be more inclined to have feelings for somebody who apparently is interested in you (in whatsoever manner)? Yes, there is the whole "hunter" issue I discussed earlier. And there are those wonderful periods in life where you are desperately in love with somebody who loves somebody else. But that's not the point here.

I am talking two "consenting adults" meaning they both are looking for a relationship of some kind who just happen to meet. They both have different...let's call it "ways of life". Like...one likes to ride his motorcycle and talk about it a lot, the other doesn't. Or one of them likes to hike up dangerous snow-covered mountains...the other doesn't. Or one of them is really into some kind of music the other abhors...you get the picture. But all that doesn't matter once they are firmly set on the relationship track. Usually one or the other will adapt..try to find out what the other sees in their favourite pastime and even maybe adopt one habit or the other. But could it have happened with any other person?

Then, instead of trying to find out what "offside" really means you would now be looking at a stamp collection and ask yourself "What the fuck?" Or walk his dog that you hate. Or he would be trying to ponder the meaning of the Buffyverse. Or not. Whichever.

Think back. Most of the time when a relationship ends, after some time you go: "Why did I put up with all that?" Now, my point is: If you had met somebody else that particular day...would you have minded? You probably say..well, I was in love and all that...but I am saying...under the right circumstances, it probably could have been anybody. Which is probably a good thing, because there are only so many people really suited for each other. And some kind of adaptation process has to be going on in every relationship or you could only date your identical twin.

In case you were wondering: This really does not have a point, as I am not perpetuating that you should only partner up with your "soulmate" - heaven forbid, nobody ever would go out on a date. I am just observing the funny ways of life/fate.

And in case you want to comment: My comments system is seriously fucked up...until I find a way to fix it you can always take the long route and email me in person :)

Get-Things-Done-Day progressed smoothly...good thing it was not Get-Everything-Done-Day, though.

What did I get done?

wrote stuff for University

called my insurance about that unfortunate incident in New Orleans

got my mobile fixed

called work about the money they still owe me (yay!)

What did I not get done?

finish my translation for work

read stuff for University

go on a date with ex-boyfriend

buy tickets to see the sneak preview

What did I get done instead?

watched some TV (v. good)

messed around with my blog (which is why it's not doing properly what it's supposed to and I have no clue why)

fixed another date to go on a date with ex-boyfriend

arranged to go christmas-shopping with my Mom

made waffles

played some Skat

Muhahahahaha (evil laughter)

About time...Fuck Bonzi

After writing all of my sad thoughts yesterday I was actually quite upbeat the whole day. Now I just need to get my life back on track. All this being unemployed has wreaked havoc on my inner clock... I am up all night, sleep late and get nothing done. So I designated tomorrow (actually today, but who is counting) to be the

Official-Get-Things-Done-Day

Ask me tomorrow evening how it went :)

On a lighter note, I am a Comfort Colada. If you are not of legal drinking age, don't read this :)

In case you were wondering (which you weren't because why should you but I'll tell you anyway :) I had a rather fun weekend...

Here are some thoughts I was left with, though. If you are not ready for a long, complicated post, stop right here and do not read on.
It's about relationships, too, so if you're fed up with that subject by now, stop right here and do not read on.

The thoughts I have been pondering: I am wondering about the rules of attraction.
It seems to me I am always attracted to guys who are not attracted to me. And I am not talking about what you might be thinking of: "ooh, he's not interested in me, hence he is mysterious and I am attracted to him"...no. I'm talking about the times when I think: "we were talking, he seemed quite nice and I think we hit it off rather well" and hence start feeling attracted to the guy.
And then one of two things happens: either he confides in me that he really likes me and thus feels comfortable in telling me how he is desperately in love with that girl xy, what do I think? Does he stand a chance? or he just is not interested and that's it.

I have different theories about this.

First theory:
I am attracted to the wrong men. Meaning the kind of men I like might just not be interested in the kind of girl I am. This theory sucks because it really leaves no place for hope of any kind of relationship I would really go for. Also, the counter-theory to theory no. 1 would be that I am attractive to the wrong kind of guys. Meaning guys I am not attracted to. Which goes around and around in circles. But this is what I am wondering: Why is that so? When I am attracted to a guy it is for a certain reason. And I do not really see why they should not see the same reasons I am seeing. If you like the same things for example that would be a good thing in my opinion.

Second theory:
I am bad at showing attraction. Meaning the men never get that I am attracted to them and therefore go for somebody else. This fits in nicely with my theory that I am responsible for everything :). Might be true in some cases as I'd rather not be rejected (like everybody else, I guess) and therefore am rather reluctant at being very upfront with my feelings.

Third theory:
Men do not like women who are attracted to them and go for the girls that seem disinterested. This is a very widespread theory that might just be true, but then again who knows. But if that's true I would guess that you would have a hard time in a relationship that your partner never really wanted but you managed to convince her somehow.

Fourth theory:
I really do not want a relationship and therefore subconsciously choose guys that will not go for one. There might be some truth in this because I do not think I am desperate. (By the number of my posts concerning men you might think otherwise but it's just that this subject is on my mind at the moment for reasons stated below). I have survived quite well without a relationship these past years, thank you very much. OK, there has been the occasional lonely night where I felt like cuddling up with somebody but on the whole I was quite alright.

Fifth theory:
I mistake the amount of attention a guy gives me for attraction. Since I subconsciously think he's attracted to me I allow myself to be considering the possibility I might be attracted to him which I then become (attracted to him, I mean) but he was not interested in the first place.

Maybe this just happens to me because I rarely really am attracted to a guy. Like in maths...the intersection of the set of guys I like and the set of guys who like me is small because the sets are not very large to begin with.

Then again, maybe I have too high standards (two guys told me that in the last month). But this is not really a conscious decision. Maybe some people go around saying: "ooh, I only like blond guys who are really tall and have a PhD in biology and three brothers." I do not really care. Either I feel attraction or I don't, I have not yet managed to find a pattern. Well, actually I am lying (sort of). Some time ago I made a list of all the attributes the perfect guy had to have. I was really specific, too, because I thought, well, let's have fun with this, he won't come along anyway. Guess what...two days later I found a guy who met almost all my specifications. Wow...but guess again...yep...not interested. I guess he also made a list and I was not on it. And this really sucked. Since then I have been pondering this whole thing.

And this weekend I met a really nice guy at a party who in addition seemed interested in me... I guess he also met some of my "requirements". What happened? I did not feel the least bit attracted to him. And this sucked, too. Because I know that I probably could go out with him and end up liking him (hypothetically speaking here, no arrangements have been made or anything, I haven't even verified that he likes me).

This does not mean that I start checking off required list items every time I meet a guy. Would not make any sense anyway. If you knew my list you would know what I mean but I am not telling you.
But I really would like to just once meet somebody...really like him...and have him like me back. I do not know what that feels like. Then again, maybe that's just not really how it works. Maybe it always works over detours like: "You know, in the beginning I really liked your friend but now (that she would not look at me) I've discovered that you're much nicer" or "I know that this won't last very long because we have nothing in common but he really seems to like me and he's a really nice person, too."

That's my five cents on this subject. If you have any input for me concerning my theories please by all means let me know. And now I will stop ranting about this as I am quite fed up with me talking about this issue. Promised. Cross my heart and hope to die.