In case you were wondering (which you weren't because why should you but I'll tell you anyway :) I had a rather fun weekend...

Here are some thoughts I was left with, though. If you are not ready for a long, complicated post, stop right here and do not read on.
It's about relationships, too, so if you're fed up with that subject by now, stop right here and do not read on.

The thoughts I have been pondering: I am wondering about the rules of attraction.
It seems to me I am always attracted to guys who are not attracted to me. And I am not talking about what you might be thinking of: "ooh, he's not interested in me, hence he is mysterious and I am attracted to him"...no. I'm talking about the times when I think: "we were talking, he seemed quite nice and I think we hit it off rather well" and hence start feeling attracted to the guy.
And then one of two things happens: either he confides in me that he really likes me and thus feels comfortable in telling me how he is desperately in love with that girl xy, what do I think? Does he stand a chance? or he just is not interested and that's it.

I have different theories about this.

First theory:
I am attracted to the wrong men. Meaning the kind of men I like might just not be interested in the kind of girl I am. This theory sucks because it really leaves no place for hope of any kind of relationship I would really go for. Also, the counter-theory to theory no. 1 would be that I am attractive to the wrong kind of guys. Meaning guys I am not attracted to. Which goes around and around in circles. But this is what I am wondering: Why is that so? When I am attracted to a guy it is for a certain reason. And I do not really see why they should not see the same reasons I am seeing. If you like the same things for example that would be a good thing in my opinion.

Second theory:
I am bad at showing attraction. Meaning the men never get that I am attracted to them and therefore go for somebody else. This fits in nicely with my theory that I am responsible for everything :). Might be true in some cases as I'd rather not be rejected (like everybody else, I guess) and therefore am rather reluctant at being very upfront with my feelings.

Third theory:
Men do not like women who are attracted to them and go for the girls that seem disinterested. This is a very widespread theory that might just be true, but then again who knows. But if that's true I would guess that you would have a hard time in a relationship that your partner never really wanted but you managed to convince her somehow.

Fourth theory:
I really do not want a relationship and therefore subconsciously choose guys that will not go for one. There might be some truth in this because I do not think I am desperate. (By the number of my posts concerning men you might think otherwise but it's just that this subject is on my mind at the moment for reasons stated below). I have survived quite well without a relationship these past years, thank you very much. OK, there has been the occasional lonely night where I felt like cuddling up with somebody but on the whole I was quite alright.

Fifth theory:
I mistake the amount of attention a guy gives me for attraction. Since I subconsciously think he's attracted to me I allow myself to be considering the possibility I might be attracted to him which I then become (attracted to him, I mean) but he was not interested in the first place.

Maybe this just happens to me because I rarely really am attracted to a guy. Like in maths...the intersection of the set of guys I like and the set of guys who like me is small because the sets are not very large to begin with.

Then again, maybe I have too high standards (two guys told me that in the last month). But this is not really a conscious decision. Maybe some people go around saying: "ooh, I only like blond guys who are really tall and have a PhD in biology and three brothers." I do not really care. Either I feel attraction or I don't, I have not yet managed to find a pattern. Well, actually I am lying (sort of). Some time ago I made a list of all the attributes the perfect guy had to have. I was really specific, too, because I thought, well, let's have fun with this, he won't come along anyway. Guess what...two days later I found a guy who met almost all my specifications. Wow...but guess again...yep...not interested. I guess he also made a list and I was not on it. And this really sucked. Since then I have been pondering this whole thing.

And this weekend I met a really nice guy at a party who in addition seemed interested in me... I guess he also met some of my "requirements". What happened? I did not feel the least bit attracted to him. And this sucked, too. Because I know that I probably could go out with him and end up liking him (hypothetically speaking here, no arrangements have been made or anything, I haven't even verified that he likes me).

This does not mean that I start checking off required list items every time I meet a guy. Would not make any sense anyway. If you knew my list you would know what I mean but I am not telling you.
But I really would like to just once meet somebody...really like him...and have him like me back. I do not know what that feels like. Then again, maybe that's just not really how it works. Maybe it always works over detours like: "You know, in the beginning I really liked your friend but now (that she would not look at me) I've discovered that you're much nicer" or "I know that this won't last very long because we have nothing in common but he really seems to like me and he's a really nice person, too."

That's my five cents on this subject. If you have any input for me concerning my theories please by all means let me know. And now I will stop ranting about this as I am quite fed up with me talking about this issue. Promised. Cross my heart and hope to die.