Happy thought for the day: At least we had a lot to eat.

DANGER GLOOMY DOWNCAST FREAKY STUFF AHEAD DANGER
Today I had an epiphany. (No, that's nothing unhealthy, go look it up!!) I found out that I feel responsible for EVERYTHING. While most of the time responsibility in itself is a good thing, sometimes it`s not. I blame this on my upbringing, though (quite paradox, not feeling responsible for feeling responsible).

First of all my family is very good at attaching subtle/not so subtle blame to people. ("It's your fault your Mom has a headache, go to your room.")

Second, my Mom herself radiates the feeling that she is responsible for everybody's feelings. And my Grandma does, too. An ex-boyfriend of mine once said he could not stand to visit my family because everybody was running around all the time trying to be helpful while yelling at the top of their lungs: "Let me do it!!!"

So maybe it's in my genes or maybe my parents' example (yay for psychology), but anyhow I am imprinted with the impression that no matter what anybody is feeling around me, it's somehow my fault. If I go to a club with somebody and they don't like it there, it's my fault because I suggested it. If people are mad at each other, it's my fault for not smoothing it over somehow. And this innate feeling drives my crazy. I know that (most of the time) it is absurd but I cannot help it. Gives me stomach trouble, too. Some day or other I will definitely develop an ulcer.

END FREAKY STUFF AND EXPLAIN MYSELF
Hm. By reading this blog you might think that I am a completely messed-up person. Strangely enough, most of the time I am not. I have just feeling gloomy the last week or so..but since my archives are somehow inaccessible, you will never be able to read in my past :) But as I am starting to feel more upbeat I promise - really really promise - to cut back on my whining and moping cause it does not help anything.

Actually, today's post was not really sad and gloomy. It was more of an observation due to the fact that something happened today, and I felt completely weird all day because of it and was wondering the whole day why until I figured out the above.