Is this turning into some kind of diary? I hate online diaries that you happen upon while searching for something or other. People you don't know writing about their lives where nothing ever happens ("I went to the library today...and guess what...I met Bob there. Then I went home."). But then again, how is a person supposed to conjure up deep meaningful insights into life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness all the time?

I just want to note again how life is not fair, which is probably the fact that parents most omit to tell their children. We grow up on movies and television and books and stories that tell you that everything will work out fine...that in the end the good guy wins...that they lived happily ever after. Thus, you can lead a happy childhood. Until that moment you get the nagging thought that maybe..just maybe everything will not work out peachy fine. Which it probably won't. There ARE studies that say people who have a pessimistic outlook on life are just more realistic...we do not like to be surprised by the ass-kickings we get.

Did you see the movie "Truman Show"? Have you ever thought your life might just be a TV show? Big emotional cliff-hangers with no happy ending to raise ratings...If the main character rides off into the sunset with a happy grin on his/her face, the show will be cancelled and we can't allow that.

One of my classmates in high school claimed he was convinced his father was king of the world and wanted him to grow up as normal as possible, thus creating this elaborate setup which would be revealed to him on his 21st birthday. I guess it wasn't, I met him at our reunion this year. He was a sad sight, pretty bloated from all the drugs and booze he apparently was ingesting. But I digress.

While writing this, I wonder whether (look at all those alliterations) I included him in my "guys I fell in love with"-list. It is rather strange, the way you are head over heels in love with one person (doodling their name and hearts on pretty much everything) and how you then forget to include them in a list a decade later.

I was so in love with the guy..but he said he would not go out with me cause I had a mouth like a frog. Years later I met him on the street and the following replicates the ensuing external and internal dialogue:

Me: "Hi." "Ohmigod he lost all his hair, grew fat and is wearing a crappy suit"

He: "Oh, you're really good-looking...ahem, I mean hi"

Me: "I have to go now." "You could have had all this goodness but you chose not to, sucker and now I've put you behind me for good."

While you are making up your mind to think me shallow and vain, consider the fact that I had been crying in my pillow nonstop during puberty, wishing I was prettier so he would pick me instead of the girl he fancied (who would not even in his dreams go out with him, by the way). So there.

Say, this story really cheered me up...Maybe life IS fair, after all...