Had to go to University today to talk with my tutors about my final paper. It was a desaster, I think. I'm not really good at writing this paper, because I am so fed up with University stuff. I feel bodily sick when I think about having to go to the library and doing research. And I have writer's block concerning my paper. I sit there, my cursor blinks and I have nothing to say about my subject. So today we were discussing the exposé I wrote, and I knew it was really bad because I just took their suggestions and reworded them without really knowing what I was talking about, because I had not researched one bit of theory. They are probably considering me some kind of idiot...I completely messed up everything. I hate going into meetings unprepared with no real basis for a discussion, all sides wide open for shots anybody can take at you. But I can't make myself interested anymore...

Sometimes I really, really hate going to University. I don't know if it was the right choice for me to go anyway. I mainly did it because everybody kept telling me I should..it was a pity to waste my talent and brains...yadda yadda yadda. Everybody else did it. It was the easy way out. But I always suspected I did not like studying and I actually looked into a trainee program, and I think I would have enjoyed that more. Oh well, the decisions that you make. Now I am stuck with it and it's gotten worse and worse the more it has progressed. Being this close to finishing and still being so stuck makes me really frustrated, too.

Oh well, next week I'll just have to kick myself off the couch and into the library. Work called, too, maybe I can help out a couple of days next week, that'll keep my mind off things and give me some air or whatever is needed to perk me up. Chocolate always perks me up...presents perk me up...hey, I just had an idea: FOR GOOD KARMA SEND CHOCOLATE PRESENTS TO ME!! Of course, you could always invent other things to cheer me up, it's for a good cause. Suggestions are always welcome :)