Bored during meetings?

• Discreetly clasp hold of someone's hand and whisper: 'can you feel it?' from the corner of your mouth
  
  
• Draw enormous genitalia on your notepad and discreetly show it to the person next to you for their approval
  
  
• When refreshments are presented, immediately distribute one biscuit to each of the attendees, then systematically smash each one with your fist in front of them
  
  
• Chew tobacco
  
  
• Wear a hands free phone headset throughout once in a while drift off into an unrelated conversation, such as: 'I don't care if there are no dwarfs, just get the show done!'
  
  
• Write the words 'he fancies you' on your pad and show it to the person next to you while indicating with your pen
  
  
• Respond to a serious question with: 'I don't know what to say, obviously I'm flattered, but it's all happened so fast'
  
  
• Use Nam style jargon such as 'what's the ETA?', 'who's on recon?' & 'Charlie don't surf'
  
  
• Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action figures and when anyone moves re-arrange the figures accordingly
  
  
• Shave one of your forearms
  
  
• Draw a chalk circle around one of the chairs then avoid sitting on it, when the meeting starts. When someone does eventually sit in it, cover your mouth and gasp
  
  
• Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing the window with your legs stretched out.
  
  
• Announce that you 'love this dirty town'
  
  
• Walk directly up to a colleague and stand nose to nose with him for 1 minute
  
  
• Mount the desk and walk along its length before taking your seat
  
  
• Reflect sunlight into everyone's eyes off your watch face
  
  
• Gargle with water
  
  
• Repeat every idea they express in a baby voice while moving your hand like a chattering mouth
  
  
• Gradually push yourself closer and closer to the door on your chair
  
  
• Hum throughout
  
  
• Pull out a large roll of bank notes and count them demonstratively
  
  
• Bend momentarily under the table then emerge wearing contact lenses that white out your eyes
  
  
• Drop meaningless & confusing management speak into conversations such as: 'What's the margin, Marvin?' 'When's this turkey going to get basted?' 'If we don't get this brook babbling we're all going to end up looking like doe-eyed Labradors'
  
  
• Produce a hamster from your pocket and suggest throwing it to one another as a means of idea-exchange
  
  
• Use a large hunting knife to point at your visual aids
  
  
• Announce that you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda. Then hand pieces of paper that read: My secret agenda 1 Trample the weak 2 Triumph alone 3 Invade Poland. Re-collect them sheepishly and ask everyone to pretend they haven't seen them
  
  
• Attempt to hypnotise the entire room using a pocket watch
  
  
• When referring to someone in the room always call them your 'homey' or 'dog'
  
  
• Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments. When someone is prompted to interject shout 'I AM NOT FINISHED'!

I especially like the "hamsters" item :) Other than that, not really in a good mood today, so that'll be it for the day.