Gone Snowboarding...

To escape dreary New Year's Celebrations, Ulisch, Jessi and me are escaping to Livigno. We'll return January 4th for more zany antics in the year 2003....Enjoy!!

Did you know that my blog contains unsuitable content? I submitted it to a webring and they rejected it for that reason. Maybe it's too racy...with it's detailed description of my sexual conquests and all. Hint: Pause to consider the possibility of irony and don't go searching through my archives rightaway... Maybe I should give warning or card my readers before embarking on non-youth-appropriate topics?
So if you're legally not allowed to read the following, piss off!

Today's topic: Smoking and the Passage of Time.

Granted, being a smoker has many disadvantages. There is one thing, though, that non-smokers will never fully appreciate, which is being able to divide time into cigarette lengths. For example, you never need a timer while cooking. "I'll smoke a cigarette and then the noodles will be ready." (Though, admittedly, having a cigarette in your mouth while you stir food screams "White Trash" at the top of its lungs). And you never have time to be bored, because there's always time for one more cigarette while you wait. Time goes faster while you are smoking... Also, it extends social gatherings. Smokers don't just get up and leave. No. "OK, let's have one more cigarette, then I'll leave." can commonly be considered smokers' farewell. And I think always being able to have that last cigarette together is a rather positive thing. Not to mention having the possibility of that last cigarette while you wait for your execution, but let's hope it doesn't have to go that far.

While writing that I have to think about one occasion... I've had this theory for quite a while and then I was at a party and some guy said exactly the same thing. That was kind of strange. Meeting someone who - at one point or another - thought the exact same thoughts you had been thinking. He turned out to be a real jerk, by the way. I wonder whether that means I'm thinking a jerk's thoughts or if he accidently just stumbled onto my brilliant train of thought... The latter seems more appropriate in my opinion. (Please withhold comments in the line of "Well I thought you pretty much sucked, too", thank you very much, why are you reading this anyway??)

So much for deep thoughts. If you're reading this for the express purpose of keeping up with my life, here's the diary stuff...

Been out on Saturday, it sucked (kind of). And here's why. I want to add another specimen to the list of "People I hate": If you're not Miss/Mr Universe you might know them...somebody who enters a room and immediately decides you don't live up to his prettiness standards. Somebody who talks over your head because if you're not pretty, hey, you must also be stupid. Somebody who introduces only your pretty friend to the people that you meet afterwards and ignores you for the rest of the evening. I know it shouldn't bother me that much because, well, what do I care what somebody I just met thinks about me... But it did bother me anyway and pretty much ruined the evening for me because it made me feel short and fat and stupid.

Maybe I am overreacting to this because I myself have entered rooms that contained people that I did not get along with, yes, it has happened occasionally and it wasn't solely based on appearance. Maybe he just did not like my attitude. Or whatever. But I really don't think so. And that pisses me off so much I can't even begin to tell you.

One last thing: If you like Lord of the Rings you definitely should read this. And don't stop until you've seen the film with Humphrey Bogart, heard the rap version and (for the most hardened of stomach) saw Leonard Nimoy intone a song about Bilbo, Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins.

I got "Notes from a Big Country" as a present for Christmas. And I thought...Bill Bryson always writes short columns...it's not that far away from what you do on a blog. But his columns are damn funny. My blog entries aren't. So I thought maybe I should pick topics to write about and not just ramble on about my life (because nobody would think that funny, I certainly wouldn't.) This blog started out with me writing thoughts and stuff, it was just in the last weeks it got this depressive boring diarylike quality. Back to the thoughts on life, the universe and everything, I say!

One thought goes as follows: Did you ever notice that certain conversation topics always elicit the same answers?
I'll give you some examples so you can go and try them and see what happens:

• "I am a vegetarian."
  
  Answer #1: Do you eat fish?
  (No. What is fish in your opinion...a plant???)
  
  Answer #2 (sometimes follows #1): Do you eat chicken then??
  (Ahem. See above. Are you stupid?)
  
  Answer #3 (most popular): Oh, I do not eat a lot of meat either!!
  (And that makes you what exactly? And why should I care?)

  
  

• "....Berlin...."
  
  Answer #1: Berlin is a great city. Munich, on the other hand is a village, you know.
  (Applies if you are living in Munich)
  
  Answer #2: In Berlin, you can rent great apartments for a low low low price.
  (Munich, on the other hand...Answer #1 probably ensues in just a second...brace yourself)

  
  

• "I heard Mallorca was quite nice."
  
  Answer: That's true!!! Mallorca can be quite beautiful! Especially if you go away from the touristy places. You might travel further inland. You can hike or bicycle...Mallorca's not just El Arenal....

  
  

• "I used to work at Disney World."
  Answer: As Mickey Mouse?
  Oh, you're the first person to ask this question...it's HILARIOUS...how did you come up with such a witty remark???

These are just a couple of examples, if you find more, go ahead and comment because I always am on the outlook for new party material :)
I recommend the Berlin and Mallorca statements as party conversation, especially if you're with likeminded friends talking to one unsuspecting victim, who without doubt will chime in at the drop of a hat about the beautiful Mallorca almond trees...

People are so predictable sometimes. And so probably are you and me. Be afraid. Be very, very afraid of meeting people like us at a party.

Enough with the holiday spirit!!! Want to see something that is a sad excuse for either a movie or a movie trailer? It is the trailer for "House of the Dead". Oh my god. They can't be serious. Quote: "5 teens at a rave. On a desert island. They wanted fun. They found zombies." What the fuck? You have been warned. I just saw that it stars Jürgen Prochnow. Maybe he was old and needed the money.

Back to the roots....

I deleted yesterday's post because I thought it was too depressive in retrospect. Hey, it's my blog and I can do whatever I want. I just get cranky around christmas time because I have this perfect plan for my perfect christmas and I never get to have it. And it would be easy...Here it is:

1. Get up late.
   
2. Go out for extended breakfast/brunch with boyfriend.
   
3. Take a walk in the snow (hey, it's supposed to be perfect).
   
4. Go and have a Glühwein at a christmas market.
   
5. Cook a lovely christmas dinner together.
   
6. Have lovely christmas dinner.
   
7. Give each other a small present (just for unwrapping something)
   
8. Snuggle up in front of the christmas tree.

See? Easy. Not: Christmas in Tahiti. Not: Present me with a Ferrari. But did it happen once? NO. It always ends with me standing in front of my parents' christmas tree singing and being cranky. (While I love my parents I'd prefer to visit them the next day for lunch, thank you very much.) Anyway. Maybe it'll happen one day...a girl can still dream, can she not...So to all of you:

Merry Christmas !!!

OK. I just came back from the cinema. And I want to add one thing to my hate list:

Fucking Commentators.

You know what I mean? People who do not frigging stop commenting on the movie. "Wow, look at this!", "Yeah!", "That must have hurt!", "tsk, tsk, tsk"...I don't want to listen to your bullshit after waiting for the "Two Towers" for a year. At least they shut up when there was dialogue. I guess they did not speak much English. Quote: reading the subtitles "What's a falter?" Noooooooo....

It was a great movie, by the way (whenever I was able to concentrate on it). It has the same great cinematography as the first part (New Zealand rocks, too), CGI Gollum is really amazing (I almost cried at one of his scenes) and the battle scenes are awesome. There were a couple of "overdone" scenes like Gandalf's horse galloping towards him in slow motion like straight out of a Marlboro commercial, but oh well. The only thing that I really did not like were the Ents. Their design did not fit my inner picture of an Ent (much, much bigger), plus, there were some special effects that really did not compare to the rest of the movie and really looked like blue screen used to. Maybe it was blue screen.

But that wasn't too bad, so I would have thoroughly enjoyed the movie if it hadn't been for the assholes next to me. It's especially frustrating because there is nothing you can do about it. If somebody is heckling a movie I do not like it, either, but I can understand it (I have to admit that I've done that, too, but only if the movie reeeallly sucks aka "The River Wild"). But why comment? If you want to comment on something, go and direct your own movie and then you can do a director's commentary. Or go into journalism and comment on football games. Or fucking stay at home and fucking rent a DVD where nobody gives a fuck if you yak and yak and yak. Pardon my French here but I am really pissed off at those morons. Having said that, I sort of feel better (thank you all for listening :)

Tried to get images to appear on my blog...to no avail...and I so much wished to show you the ChristBonsai :)

I've got a new scanner, too and wanted to show off. Bad luck. (More for me than fore you, but anyway.)

Actually I got lucky today, because I first won third prize at Tini's Mom's Christmas Raffle (not what you thought, as if...). Afterwards, I got a gift bringing additional luck: an elephant from Sri Lanka. I hope carrying it around in my wallet will increase my hitherto rather meager luck to infinity and beyond!!

We also opened fortune cookies, but alas, mine was boring....it said: FORTUNE COOKIES ARE FUN or something to the extent, which really did not tell me anything about my future. But nothing ever will beat my favourite fortune which I will offer to you now as it may also bring joy, happiness and enlightenment to your life:

Your dentist has made a mistake. But it doesn't matter.

Thank you and good luck to all of you!

There, there, my dear. It's all big and shiny now. :)

And for all of you who are bored by now but somehow feel musically inclined here one final link for today. Courtesy of Paul^TM

Sheep and penguins. Oh my god.

Well, I do not know whether all my thoughts are that good, but I am glad Uli likes them :) I like your posts, too, my dear...it's fun to go on the blog and read new stuff.

Today I just want to add one thing that I forgot: food. One lengthy rant I thought of yesterday concerned seafood and how much I think it's disgusting. But I will spare you the whole thing today, just so that you know: I won't eat food that still looks at you from your plate. Yuck.

What else? Nothing much happening at the moment...Still at home, still unemployed, still not doing anything of note...I am feeling so lazy these last few weeks, it's disgusting. My ex-boyfriend said I should enjoy it while it lasts, but I still have the feeling I should be doing something with my time, not slouching away on the couch. That's probably why I am never relaxed. I think part of it has to do with being in University for so long...there always is something that you SHOULD be doing like studying or finishing a paper or getting books or meeting with other students...

I wonder if I'll be able to stop worrying once I start working. Whether I can keep work to work hours and not fret about it afterwards. If I can't manage that, I'll never be relaxed, I guess..and I wish I could be for once in a while. Actually, it's strangely paradox. Being high-strung and nerve-wrecked while you are lying on the couch. But it's gotten so bad lately that I can't even concentrate on a book properly. I would say I needed a vacation, but I just returned from one. And what do I need a vacation from? Doing nothing? It's ridiculous. Maybe that's the stress of the unemployed you hear so much about. I think I'll go and get some coffee. That'll probably help :))

I was walking home from Uli's today (who was really sick today, poor girl...) and I thought about how it's much harder to specify things that you like in contrast to things you hate. Maybe that's because there's more things I like so it's hard for me to decide which ones to name. Take music, for example. If asked what I like I can't really say as I don't have a favourite genre, I just like songs or I don't. Or men. Really hard to put together the list of the "ideal man". I'd rather be able say what is an absolute turn-off. So while walking, I put together a list of things I hate. First it was to be a top ten list, but then I decided to go with categories and just choose the "winner".

OK, here goes:

Might as well start with music: Music that pretends to be something but isn't. First and foremost the "techno-drivel-bullshit" that is clogging up the German charts left and right. Who in their right mind wants to listen to "Boys of Summer" with a techno beat? If you requested something like that at a techno club they would beat you up and kick you out. Also fake classic music...Helmut Lotti immediately comes to mind here. If you do not know who he is, consider yourself lucky. (He's actually one of my pet peeves...if I ever run amok, he is on the top of the list of people I am taking with me. And you know why? Because I saw this video and hopefully not many videos like it have been produced since 1945. The pictures might give you an idea, but it was much, much worse. Love of Africa? *coughbullshitcough*) But I digress.

Men, then: It's a close call: Mustaches or itty bitty round glasses. You say...superficial bitch..it's the inside that counts!! But noooo...because both of these features most of the time betray the inner workings of said man. And those do not fit my line of thinking, I am sorry, all you mustache-wearers out there...but at least you can redeem yourselves and shave it. Itty-bitty-round-glasses-carriers on the other hand most of the time are those toenailcurling "intellectual" types. You know what I am talking about. They have a "carefully disheveled poetic" haircut, usually wear nothing but black or brown, consider berets a valid option and also tend to wear scarves. All that in itself not so bad but they also go into the basement if they have to laugh, consider everything to be beneath them, pretend to like modern interpretations of classic theatre ("You just don't get why Romeo is wearing ski boots and a mafia outfit, because you are not as INTELLECTUAL as I am") and probably carry a copy of "Death in Venice" everywhere they go. Nuff said.

Cities (yes, I really thought of everything :): Hannover. The ugliest, most boring city I ever visited. It's so boring I can't even rant about it.

Cars: The Fiat Multipla. A carbuncle on humanity's ass. I shudder everytime I see one. Though I have to admit they are spacious. And some of them run on natural gas, which is a good thing. But damn, are they uuuuuuugly.

Movies: This was actually hard as I like movies in general and am hard pressed to say I hated one, I'd rather say it was boring or analyse what I did not like. But finally I came up with The Fifth Element. The reason probably is because I was looking forward so much to seeing it as I usually love Luc Besson movies and really was disappointed. Way overrated by many people. Lame jokes, crappy effects and make-up, a Milla Jovovich that really grates on your nerves...at least Bruce got to save the world. On a cruise ship. Actually, there is a crappy German movie that Fifth Element reminded me of: Die Sturzflieger. Watch and weep.

Books: Again, hard category, same as movies. Two things came to mind. First, I hate Thomas Mann. At least the things we read in school, I admit that I never read "Magic Mountain" or "Buddenbrooks". If you are a closet homosexual, don't take it out on your children and your readers and for God's sake, use a frigging full stop once in a while. Second, totally different (I already mentioned it once on this blog, but just in case you forgot): I hate that Science Fiction writers always have to come up with weird names like Flmp Gaxzoomp YYurf. While I do not advocate naming your average Alien George I think one could go easy on the consonants, y's and x's.

I feel the list should not stop there but I should not go on too long...if you feel a category has been neglected, by all means, email me.

For good measure to cheer you up after all that negativity, a general
list of things I like (not categorised and in no particular order):

Snow. Especially when a lot of it just fell and it makes that crunchy, fresh sound under your feet.

New York City. Best damn city in the whole world. If you can't make it there etc.

Having breakfast at a café with friends.

When you get up and your roommates have already made coffee.

Coffee in general. Nothing beats a good latte macchiato.

Reading a book up until 5 o'clock at night because you don't want to stop.

Good Omens. Lord of the Rings. Harry Potter. (see above. Yes, Harry Potter. I can put on my list whatever I damn well like.) Shakespeare. Steinbeck. Astrid Lindgren. (see?)

The sad feeling that you get when you watched a really good movie and you realise you'll never see it for the first time again.

Taking a bubble bath.

Rollercoasters. Best pointless invention ever made.

Dishwashers. Best invention ever made.

My car. Never leave home without it.

Bad Steven Seagal/Jean Claude VanDamme/Michael Dudikoff/Hulk Hogan movies if you watch them with friends at 2 o'clock at night

Friends and/or your boyfriend picking you up at the airport/train station after a trip. With presents. Well, even without.

Chocolate pudding. Really anything with chocolate.

Here also, I think there might be room for improvement. So if you want my opinion on other subjects, be my guest and tell me.

To comment on Uli's comments...actually, Jule would have won that game as I was stuck in WWII for quite some time. But Uli and Jessi ganged up on her to prevent her from winning because of a MINOR technicality. So there. Anyway, nothing wrong with winning a game, Ms. Wizard-Queen!

Now for something completely different. Yesterday, I worked at my computer the whole evening and that made me discover that I never can work anywhere. My whole body seemed to be one aching...well..whatever it is that aches a lot... If I one day have to do this all day I might as well kiss my neck good bye because it will cramp up so much that I'll look like Charles Laughton any time soon.

Anyway. After working until like five in the morning I was so tired that I could not write on my blog anymore. But while lying in bed I had the best ideas...brilliant thoughts...sentences flew through my mind...but I have to disappoint you. When I woke up, it was all gone. Zip, nada, zilch. I don't even have the faintest idea what it was about. So no deep thoughts today, instead I'll tell you how I bought a Christmas tree.

I bought a Christmas tree today.

Ahem. It has been decorated, too...and we also saved some decoration for my little bonsai tree which has now been officially declared a ChristBonsai. I'll have to see if I can find some lights for it as it seemed kind of sad next to the big sparkling other (whatever kind of conifere it is) tree.

Seems that I am at a loss for words today...that's because I had to translate 21 pages of senseless drivel into English, all the while using up all my vocabulary...

Yess!!! I just remembered something I wanted to tell you...I just wanted to say that this blog thing has sucked me up...I am turning into a leech on other people's lives. Whenever you enter the blogger homepage, it gives you links to the blogs most recently published. And I look at them all until I find a diary, which I then read. Kind of sad, really... but there's a pattern here that I read about in Cosmopolitan (ahem again): It's the concept of co-emotion. Which basically means that you have no life of your own and thus thrive on other people's love stories/emotions/action news. Like a vampire. (Which, by the way, not necessarily has to be a bad thing. But never mind)

Why co-emoting is a good thing:
Some time ago, I thought: I am just too complacent...never any emotions, just existing..day by day...I wish I would at least fall in love sometimes so that I would feel something. Then I fell in love. With the wrong guy. Which was not too pleasant. And I thought: I had forgotten how bad it actually can be to feel lovesick. This is horrible. I wish I was back to being complacent...it wasn't all that bad. Now I am feeling better, but recently I caught myself at the thought: I wish there was some emotion in my life...but I suppressed it really fast. Co-emoting is fine with me.

OK. Today I have a couple of different strains of thought...

#1: Scary part of the day
Foremost on my mind because I may not be able to sleep today...just returned from the Sneak Preview and saw one of the scariest movies in a long time aka The Ring. Now I had read a couple of reviews before and apparently there are two kinds of opinions about this movie...either you think it's total crap or it scares the shit out of you. With me, it did the latter. I went with Ulisch and Tinisch and her boyfriend, and Ulisch showed the exact same reaction as I did, the boyfriend thought it was scary as hell, too, and Tinisch found it unscary and pointless. So that's three out of four for scary...I can't remember when it happened the last time that I did not watch the last 45 minutes of a movie because I had my ears plugged up and was trying to cover my eyes as well (really hard to do, by the way)....

What was so scary about it? / Why would I think it's crap? you ask...well, it contained a lot of surreal images (it was really well photographed by the way) which either scare you or you think they are completely pointless. There weren't many gory scenes - I can take those just fine - it just evoked this scary atmosphere that really grates on your nerves. Add to that the scary music and the occasional jump-out-of-your-seat-scenes and you've got yourself the recipe for driving me close to a heart attack.

Last time I was so scared actually was a Buffy episode (that I still haven't managed to see in its entirety, mind you) called Hush. Yeah, I can see you now going "Scared of a Buffy episode..huh...*cough*bullshit*cough". While I admit to being scared easily, that episode really is scary!!! It is (almost) completely silent and the monsters are called "Gentlemen"..really polite, smiling all the time..until they very politely cut people's hearts out..gave me the creeps. But I digress. My point is, that episode had the same kind of eerie quality that this movie possessed which makes me freak out. At some point I actually considered leaving the theater, because I anyway wasn't able to look at the screen...

#2: Fun Part of the Day
In contrast, this is the fun thing that happened today: 2 years ago, Ulisch and Jule had promotional pictures taken for the Trimini (spa kind of place). "Just for a small brochure" they said...now huge posters of Jule appeared everywhere throughout Munich and they both can be seen on the spa's website. If you want to take a look, see here: www.suchdasulischundjule.de

#3: Discussion Topic of the Day
I was thinking about lies. Recently, I was telling a lie. Just a little white lie, nothing much. But now I am thinking this lie could be really inconvenient later on. You know, when sometimes you think it's just easier resorting to a little lie but later it gets blown way out of proportion and makes everything that much harder. If you had told the truth in the first place, maybe trouble like that could have been avoided. Plus, later on if you think the truth should be told now, it's much more inconvenient because you have to explain why you lied etc. But there usually is no rational explanation, it was just a spur-of-the-moment-decision that you regret later...I would make a vow of complete honesty from now on, but I do not think I will keep it... I was just wondering if everybody felt like that or if you have no trouble with that, either because you always stick to the truth or because you think lying's not a big deal. Maybe I am just too honest..lying makes me uncomfortable. And expanding a lie to cover for myself makes me even more uncomfortable. Whatever. Again, this probably is a moot point but I thought I'd just share it with you...

Since Ulisch is daily trying to comment on my blog (and only halfway succeeding most of the time) I invited her to share my blog..so if you see strange posts, it might just be hers :))

Regarding yesterday's comments she is probably right. You need something other than matching interests etc. I'm just saying that given the right circumstances, it's just coincidence/fate/strange things happening/insert right term here who you end up with.

And I still am convinced that it is much easier keeping up a conversation if mutual interest has been established (5 Mark ins Phrasenschwein).

Still, fate is a funny thing. What if...

you hadn't been on holiday while your friends met a guy who invited them to an interview for the job you had been wanting to do all your life

you hadn't accepted the invitation to the party where you normally would not have gone but ended up meeting your boyfriend

you hadn't stopped to put your laundry into the washing machine before you went to the Oktoberfest with the express purpose of riding the roller coaster that crashed the moment you got there

What ifs can turn out either way... mostly you ponder the what ifs that turn out badly (in your opinion, it might just be that those what ifs really were good what ifs but you did not see at the time) So it's probably not a good thing to worry about them a lot, but in some cases it's fun. I always liked "What if..." threads in movies or comic books.

Which reminds me that it's christmas time and "It's a wonderful life" will not be shown on German TV...damn!! Which in turn reminds me that I really want to see the film A Christmas Story again...really funny but nobody else seems to know it.

And back to the "Shut up and look pretty" topic...my roommate insisted that you take a look at Sark here.

Then again, who cares about frigging conversation: conversation schmonversation

Met my ex-boyfriend today...and I have one thing to say... it got me thinking again on the subject of men (different strain of thought than usual, though):

We were supposed to go out do something but he was kind of exhausted and so we stayed at his place and talked. And I have to admit that it was kind of boring. Don't get me wrong, I like him a lot but it seems we just did not have that much to talk about. So I was wondering: Did we ever have anything to talk about? Or does the physical interaction that you have as boyfriend/girlfriend take up that much of the time you spend together? Meaning: When out of conversation material, just start kissing...

What I am trying to say is this: Take any two single people that do not hate each other on sight and are kind of able to maintain an interesting conversation, say, on a party. If both of them agree that they could be in a relationship, does everything else not matter? Is it just a thing of being at the right place on the right time with anybody? Or are some people more suited to be in a relationship?

Sounds kind of cynical, you say. What about love? you say. But isn't it true that you might be more inclined to have feelings for somebody who apparently is interested in you (in whatsoever manner)? Yes, there is the whole "hunter" issue I discussed earlier. And there are those wonderful periods in life where you are desperately in love with somebody who loves somebody else. But that's not the point here.

I am talking two "consenting adults" meaning they both are looking for a relationship of some kind who just happen to meet. They both have different...let's call it "ways of life". Like...one likes to ride his motorcycle and talk about it a lot, the other doesn't. Or one of them likes to hike up dangerous snow-covered mountains...the other doesn't. Or one of them is really into some kind of music the other abhors...you get the picture. But all that doesn't matter once they are firmly set on the relationship track. Usually one or the other will adapt..try to find out what the other sees in their favourite pastime and even maybe adopt one habit or the other. But could it have happened with any other person?

Then, instead of trying to find out what "offside" really means you would now be looking at a stamp collection and ask yourself "What the fuck?" Or walk his dog that you hate. Or he would be trying to ponder the meaning of the Buffyverse. Or not. Whichever.

Think back. Most of the time when a relationship ends, after some time you go: "Why did I put up with all that?" Now, my point is: If you had met somebody else that particular day...would you have minded? You probably say..well, I was in love and all that...but I am saying...under the right circumstances, it probably could have been anybody. Which is probably a good thing, because there are only so many people really suited for each other. And some kind of adaptation process has to be going on in every relationship or you could only date your identical twin.

In case you were wondering: This really does not have a point, as I am not perpetuating that you should only partner up with your "soulmate" - heaven forbid, nobody ever would go out on a date. I am just observing the funny ways of life/fate.

And in case you want to comment: My comments system is seriously fucked up...until I find a way to fix it you can always take the long route and email me in person :)

Get-Things-Done-Day progressed smoothly...good thing it was not Get-Everything-Done-Day, though.

What did I get done?

wrote stuff for University

called my insurance about that unfortunate incident in New Orleans

got my mobile fixed

called work about the money they still owe me (yay!)

What did I not get done?

finish my translation for work

read stuff for University

go on a date with ex-boyfriend

buy tickets to see the sneak preview

What did I get done instead?

watched some TV (v. good)

messed around with my blog (which is why it's not doing properly what it's supposed to and I have no clue why)

fixed another date to go on a date with ex-boyfriend

arranged to go christmas-shopping with my Mom

made waffles

played some Skat

Muhahahahaha (evil laughter)

About time...Fuck Bonzi

After writing all of my sad thoughts yesterday I was actually quite upbeat the whole day. Now I just need to get my life back on track. All this being unemployed has wreaked havoc on my inner clock... I am up all night, sleep late and get nothing done. So I designated tomorrow (actually today, but who is counting) to be the

Official-Get-Things-Done-Day

Ask me tomorrow evening how it went :)

On a lighter note, I am a Comfort Colada. If you are not of legal drinking age, don't read this :)

In case you were wondering (which you weren't because why should you but I'll tell you anyway :) I had a rather fun weekend...

Here are some thoughts I was left with, though. If you are not ready for a long, complicated post, stop right here and do not read on.
It's about relationships, too, so if you're fed up with that subject by now, stop right here and do not read on.

The thoughts I have been pondering: I am wondering about the rules of attraction.
It seems to me I am always attracted to guys who are not attracted to me. And I am not talking about what you might be thinking of: "ooh, he's not interested in me, hence he is mysterious and I am attracted to him"...no. I'm talking about the times when I think: "we were talking, he seemed quite nice and I think we hit it off rather well" and hence start feeling attracted to the guy.
And then one of two things happens: either he confides in me that he really likes me and thus feels comfortable in telling me how he is desperately in love with that girl xy, what do I think? Does he stand a chance? or he just is not interested and that's it.

I have different theories about this.

First theory:
I am attracted to the wrong men. Meaning the kind of men I like might just not be interested in the kind of girl I am. This theory sucks because it really leaves no place for hope of any kind of relationship I would really go for. Also, the counter-theory to theory no. 1 would be that I am attractive to the wrong kind of guys. Meaning guys I am not attracted to. Which goes around and around in circles. But this is what I am wondering: Why is that so? When I am attracted to a guy it is for a certain reason. And I do not really see why they should not see the same reasons I am seeing. If you like the same things for example that would be a good thing in my opinion.

Second theory:
I am bad at showing attraction. Meaning the men never get that I am attracted to them and therefore go for somebody else. This fits in nicely with my theory that I am responsible for everything :). Might be true in some cases as I'd rather not be rejected (like everybody else, I guess) and therefore am rather reluctant at being very upfront with my feelings.

Third theory:
Men do not like women who are attracted to them and go for the girls that seem disinterested. This is a very widespread theory that might just be true, but then again who knows. But if that's true I would guess that you would have a hard time in a relationship that your partner never really wanted but you managed to convince her somehow.

Fourth theory:
I really do not want a relationship and therefore subconsciously choose guys that will not go for one. There might be some truth in this because I do not think I am desperate. (By the number of my posts concerning men you might think otherwise but it's just that this subject is on my mind at the moment for reasons stated below). I have survived quite well without a relationship these past years, thank you very much. OK, there has been the occasional lonely night where I felt like cuddling up with somebody but on the whole I was quite alright.

Fifth theory:
I mistake the amount of attention a guy gives me for attraction. Since I subconsciously think he's attracted to me I allow myself to be considering the possibility I might be attracted to him which I then become (attracted to him, I mean) but he was not interested in the first place.

Maybe this just happens to me because I rarely really am attracted to a guy. Like in maths...the intersection of the set of guys I like and the set of guys who like me is small because the sets are not very large to begin with.

Then again, maybe I have too high standards (two guys told me that in the last month). But this is not really a conscious decision. Maybe some people go around saying: "ooh, I only like blond guys who are really tall and have a PhD in biology and three brothers." I do not really care. Either I feel attraction or I don't, I have not yet managed to find a pattern. Well, actually I am lying (sort of). Some time ago I made a list of all the attributes the perfect guy had to have. I was really specific, too, because I thought, well, let's have fun with this, he won't come along anyway. Guess what...two days later I found a guy who met almost all my specifications. Wow...but guess again...yep...not interested. I guess he also made a list and I was not on it. And this really sucked. Since then I have been pondering this whole thing.

And this weekend I met a really nice guy at a party who in addition seemed interested in me... I guess he also met some of my "requirements". What happened? I did not feel the least bit attracted to him. And this sucked, too. Because I know that I probably could go out with him and end up liking him (hypothetically speaking here, no arrangements have been made or anything, I haven't even verified that he likes me).

This does not mean that I start checking off required list items every time I meet a guy. Would not make any sense anyway. If you knew my list you would know what I mean but I am not telling you.
But I really would like to just once meet somebody...really like him...and have him like me back. I do not know what that feels like. Then again, maybe that's just not really how it works. Maybe it always works over detours like: "You know, in the beginning I really liked your friend but now (that she would not look at me) I've discovered that you're much nicer" or "I know that this won't last very long because we have nothing in common but he really seems to like me and he's a really nice person, too."

That's my five cents on this subject. If you have any input for me concerning my theories please by all means let me know. And now I will stop ranting about this as I am quite fed up with me talking about this issue. Promised. Cross my heart and hope to die.

They call me MS. Mechanic. My car is working again.

To celebrate me and my roommate are going out tonight!!!

We are going to the Atomic Café. I used to go there all the time which was quite fun...I do not know exactly why I stopped. So why don't you all come down there tonight to party! Most people who are reading this blog know me anyway and I'll probably give you a call later to ask you in person :)) and if you don't know me you'll have a fun evening playing guessing games and walking up to unsuspecting strangers, asking them if they have a blog on the internet. Which, honestly, is not the best of pick-up lines and it serves you right if everybody denies being me. Even I will.

Some people will never learn...

Alas...earwax.

Who'd have thought it...I got stuff done today. One question remains, though. Pop Quiz to all you men out there:

When you see a woman working under the hood of her car you:

A. Yell: This car ain't a Ferrari, honey

B. Stop and point out to her that she is not using the correct tools

C. Remark to your buddies that the world really is going down the drain

D. None of the above

If you answered D. you probably do not live in our neighborhood. If you did, you passing by quietly would have saved me from restraining myself a couple of times today. How dumb are these guys? Not only was I working on my car, I also was holding REALLY LARGE PLIERS (which were the incorrect tool, I admit, but I did not own a wrench large enough). Maybe they thought an irate woman chasing after them trying to bash their head in would have been fun. I should have given it a try...

Happy thought for the day: At least we had a lot to eat.

DANGER GLOOMY DOWNCAST FREAKY STUFF AHEAD DANGER
Today I had an epiphany. (No, that's nothing unhealthy, go look it up!!) I found out that I feel responsible for EVERYTHING. While most of the time responsibility in itself is a good thing, sometimes it`s not. I blame this on my upbringing, though (quite paradox, not feeling responsible for feeling responsible).

First of all my family is very good at attaching subtle/not so subtle blame to people. ("It's your fault your Mom has a headache, go to your room.")

Second, my Mom herself radiates the feeling that she is responsible for everybody's feelings. And my Grandma does, too. An ex-boyfriend of mine once said he could not stand to visit my family because everybody was running around all the time trying to be helpful while yelling at the top of their lungs: "Let me do it!!!"

So maybe it's in my genes or maybe my parents' example (yay for psychology), but anyhow I am imprinted with the impression that no matter what anybody is feeling around me, it's somehow my fault. If I go to a club with somebody and they don't like it there, it's my fault because I suggested it. If people are mad at each other, it's my fault for not smoothing it over somehow. And this innate feeling drives my crazy. I know that (most of the time) it is absurd but I cannot help it. Gives me stomach trouble, too. Some day or other I will definitely develop an ulcer.

END FREAKY STUFF AND EXPLAIN MYSELF
Hm. By reading this blog you might think that I am a completely messed-up person. Strangely enough, most of the time I am not. I have just feeling gloomy the last week or so..but since my archives are somehow inaccessible, you will never be able to read in my past :) But as I am starting to feel more upbeat I promise - really really promise - to cut back on my whining and moping cause it does not help anything.

Actually, today's post was not really sad and gloomy. It was more of an observation due to the fact that something happened today, and I felt completely weird all day because of it and was wondering the whole day why until I figured out the above.

Keeping my promise to post happy thoughts: completely wasted and nothing to complain about...happy thoughts indeed.

Memo to self: will stop posting depressive thoughts. Only shiny happy posts from now on. Reminds me of why I stopped having a diary, I was beginning to get on my own nerves.

Is this turning into some kind of diary? I hate online diaries that you happen upon while searching for something or other. People you don't know writing about their lives where nothing ever happens ("I went to the library today...and guess what...I met Bob there. Then I went home."). But then again, how is a person supposed to conjure up deep meaningful insights into life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness all the time?

I just want to note again how life is not fair, which is probably the fact that parents most omit to tell their children. We grow up on movies and television and books and stories that tell you that everything will work out fine...that in the end the good guy wins...that they lived happily ever after. Thus, you can lead a happy childhood. Until that moment you get the nagging thought that maybe..just maybe everything will not work out peachy fine. Which it probably won't. There ARE studies that say people who have a pessimistic outlook on life are just more realistic...we do not like to be surprised by the ass-kickings we get.

Did you see the movie "Truman Show"? Have you ever thought your life might just be a TV show? Big emotional cliff-hangers with no happy ending to raise ratings...If the main character rides off into the sunset with a happy grin on his/her face, the show will be cancelled and we can't allow that.

One of my classmates in high school claimed he was convinced his father was king of the world and wanted him to grow up as normal as possible, thus creating this elaborate setup which would be revealed to him on his 21st birthday. I guess it wasn't, I met him at our reunion this year. He was a sad sight, pretty bloated from all the drugs and booze he apparently was ingesting. But I digress.

While writing this, I wonder whether (look at all those alliterations) I included him in my "guys I fell in love with"-list. It is rather strange, the way you are head over heels in love with one person (doodling their name and hearts on pretty much everything) and how you then forget to include them in a list a decade later.

I was so in love with the guy..but he said he would not go out with me cause I had a mouth like a frog. Years later I met him on the street and the following replicates the ensuing external and internal dialogue:

Me: "Hi." "Ohmigod he lost all his hair, grew fat and is wearing a crappy suit"

He: "Oh, you're really good-looking...ahem, I mean hi"

Me: "I have to go now." "You could have had all this goodness but you chose not to, sucker and now I've put you behind me for good."

While you are making up your mind to think me shallow and vain, consider the fact that I had been crying in my pillow nonstop during puberty, wishing I was prettier so he would pick me instead of the girl he fancied (who would not even in his dreams go out with him, by the way). So there.

Say, this story really cheered me up...Maybe life IS fair, after all...

I am feeling rather depressed today. Maybe it's just the lack of sleep but I have been feeling out of sorts for a couple of days now for reasons better left obscure. You can always tell that kind of mood by the fact that I am wearing my little mope-outfit consisting of a hooded sweater where I can peer out moodily from underneath the hood if I care to. Which I do a lot when moping. Not a pretty picture but hey, who cares.

Also, I am turning invisible, I think. Not only did a cashier not serve me at a register the other day, but she was actually calling another customer toward that same register and only noticed me when I was waving at her. Mind you, I was standing right IN FRONT of her. Plus, today the cops ignored me when I was riding my bike (lacking all required lights) past them across the zebracrossing onto the sidewalk on the wrong side of the street. What did they care. They were stopping cyclists with bikes lacking required lights. I, on the other hand, was only invisible. Nothing wrong with that.

Maybe I am supposed to be dead. I was supposed to die in ´97 but somehow cheated death... Now everybody thinks that I am dead which I am not and is really irritated by the fact that I am still walking and breathing and thus ignores me. The event horizon of fate is finally catching up. If you did not get that, you might want to read this novel (hey, it's on sale in the UK!!) which explains the concept in greater detail.

But maybe it's only the depression talking. Or the fact that I am depressed leads to me having the subconscious wish to be invisible which then in turn becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ah, the wonders of a psychology major...

I will go now and read more stuff about reality TV shows, starring the only people with less point in their life than me. Sleep is for wussies.

My roommate's birthday today/yesterday...quite uneventful, though.

One thing I have been musing about while NOT sleeping: Some people believe you can order things from the universe (here for example) but my question is: Can you lodge a complaint with the universe and will anybody listen? I think not. If so, please get me their number ASAP because I am starting to be fed up with the crap around here. Maybe they read blogs:

Hey, listen up! Yes, you, universal complaint-taker: Fucking bloody hell! You know what I mean???

Just needed to get that off my chest. Tank you berry much. (my best Andy Kaufman voice in case you had not noticed)

That boy is our last hope...no...there is another....

Jetlag, schmetlag. I hate it. In general, I start feeling like in a coma around one p.m. but then lie awake in bed till seven in the morning. I wish I was one of those people who can go to sleep at the drop of a hat. But I can't. So I guess I am doomed to a half-life of looking like death itself and sleepwalking through the day for at least another week.

In addition, the relaxed feeling I had after our cruise is already starting to wear off when I think of everything that I'll have to do in the coming months. Well, nobody seems to have fun these days, everybody has no job or is stressed out, so why should it be different for me, I guess... Sucks anyway.

On a sidenote...I've been seeing all these : crop up lately. Do they mean anything or are they just supposed to look cool? If so, I could add some on this ::blog::..hey, I'm hip, too!!!!

On a second sidenote...(which I wanted to tell you earlier, but forgot). We saw Secretary which was the most romantic movie I've seen in quite some time. If you read the description, you might wonder about that, but it actually was!!! Strange but true!!! (Well, actually, if you are one of those people who decided to save yourself for your wedding night it might not be quite the film for you, but otherwise go see it!!!)

Today we returned from our trip...my last update unfortunately was wrecked by a faulty computer in the last internet cafe we went to, so here is the short version of what we survived:

tornado

earthquake

bankrobbery

deadly viruses aboard a cruise ship

And I just want to add one thing: NEVER EVER book a trip on Iberia airline. On three out of four flights I actually thought I was going to die. And I am not kidding here.
Since I am totally burned out by jetlag you will have to wait for more info later on...

Since we've had complaints about not updating the Blog frequently enough, here goes...we haven't been able to access the internet for quite some time, so this will hopefully get you all up to date...

First New Orleans Fun Facts:

The old streetcar stops at every trashcan.

If you flash various body parts, men will give you cheap plastic beads. Yay.

If you don't flash body parts, you can still get beads by tearing them off the necks of guys who acquired them fair and square.

Having more than two Hurricanes requires three things: Hydration, Hydration, Hydration.

Forgetting the above leads to next fact:

Emergency Room doctors in New Orleans do not look like George Clooney. (but do not worry, proper hydration got me on my feet again, see above)

Leaving New Orleans by air leads to sexual satisfaction as one is strip-searched every few meters.

Now we are in Florida, where the weather is fine and (thank God) a little less humid than in New Orleans, so we can breathe. Our motel room costs less than one of us paid for the hostel room in New York City so we can invest all the rest of our money in food. Ulisch found out that she hates Disney since they charge $ 7 for parking. I found out on the beach that I am not allergic to Ocean Potion, so I managed not to look like a lobster.

Virtually, we have acquired the following and are trying to come up with excuses to get them all through customs: a pool table (sale), a slot machine (to go with the pool table), a car (the ads on TV say it costs practically nothing), a life-size Elvis cardboard figure (offered inside the Elvis CD we bought), a life-size Spiderman figure (given to us by Blockbuster), a dolphin named Bob (who can do tricks), a basin for Bob, and a dump truck (hey, they were on sale, too).

In reality, unfortunately, we have bought much, much more...but also presents for everybody!!! Presents for all the people who will come to look at our vacation pictures and video!!! Or else!!!

We are in New Orleans now. Since everything was booked solid (arthritis conference + football game) the only room available was the Palace Suite. Money Schmoney...since it was really late we took it. As we entered the room, it looked just like any other hotel room and we were kind of disappointed UNTIL !!! we noticed the adjacent room containing a HOLLYWOOD SWING. Completely senseless, I might add, since it faces a kitchen and is totally ugly...but at least now we can say we stayed in a suite with a swing. Yay. Rock star feeling, here we come. Now we'll go off to swing a bit more, then it's off to the usual hostel business.

New Update:

We had a day full of the best entertainment you can get. First we went to the opening of Rockefeller Center Ice Rink. That's where you expect classy ice skating, double to triple axles, that kind of thing. What we got was an olympic gold medalist who solemnly skated onto the ice and then pulled out a dog hand puppet and performed to "who let the dogs out" Woof. (Though after reviewing this web page we are glad he did not bring the life size female dummy.) We got it all on tape. Uli was laughing so hard she could not hold the camera, though. We pissed off all the good American ice skating fans around us, too.

But it got better from then on. We had tickets to see the "Carson Daly Show". Never heard of the guy. Ulisch kept calling him Dawson. Anyway. It turned out to be some kind of talk show. At least the guest was Tim Robbins (Tim Robbins rulez!!) which was really cool. Dawson was o.k., too. Musical entertainment was provided by some of New York's finest bands. Earwax. (Actually, they were called Earshot, but they really sounded like earwax.) Made us wish for earPLUGS. They took away our chairs so we would go up to the stage and cheer Earwax. If you look really hard (October 31 we think around 11.30) you might see us in the second row. No, we are not crying, we are just laughing so hard at the "I am Satan" attitude of the singer that our faces look like we are crying. Pissed off all the good American Earwax fans around us, too.

Now we are in Washington, DC. They just caught the sniper they had been looking for all the time. They say it was hard police investigations, we say it was our good karma influencing the luck of Washingtonians. At last we have found our true purpose in life: bringing happiness and joy to humankind. We will be touring the Middle East next. Israel, we are coming! Palestinians, do not worry. We have the solution to all your problems. Our (divine, I might add) intervention will solve all problems right away. But we will be here in Washington till Saturday. Try the veal.

I've got one thing to say today: The only thing worse than 80's music is a club full of people who REEEEALLY enjoy 80's music and who still are able to listen to "Walking on Sunshine" without hitting their head on the wall repeatedly. Nuff said.

New York, New York... Our hostel has internet access, yay. So I can keep you posted on all news.

We flew over with Iberia...our plane almost could not land because of the fog and we were scared we would not survive. But we did and now it is for the sniper to finish us...

In New York everything is so expensive you have to give your firstborn child to get some orange juice. Ulisch and me are seriously considering giving up smoking when they tried to charge us 8 dollars for a packet of cigarettes. Luckily we brought Gauloises en masse because we heard about the cigarette prices beforehand.

And we need all the money we have, because we have been spending money left and right...today we went shopping-crazy..oh my god. Tomorrow we plan on going to go to Macy's which will bring us certain ruin, I bet.

So..tomorrow Ulisch and me are leaving for USA. We do not know whether we will survive the trip or will be killed by the sniper / drown in floods. Anyway. We will stay for five weeks, so I guess whoever is reading this will have to wait for November.

Unless we run into an internet café on our way, that is. Then I´ll give you an update of what we´ve been up to.

I´ll see you when I see you next....

I am totally sick...close to death by sneezing. In such cases I always remember that Steven King novel...I forgot which one it was...(The Stand maybe?) where everybody dies of an awful cold. Read it and you will know how I feel at the moment. Life sucks.

When I was watching TV before I noticed something - maybe it was beginning feverish hallucinations: Ronan Keating is turning into Phil Collins. Not only does he look like him but also adapted the same "kick me in the face because my singing will make you physically ill" gestures.

Then I decided to read The Player of Games that Paul recommended. Really liked it, too (apart from the fact that SF authors always like to give their characters awkward sounding names which I hate..but I got used to them towards the end). The only downside to this ist the myriads of books Iain Banks wrote which I will want to purchase now. Thank you, Paul, for my financial ruin.

why is it that everytime the oktoberfest is over EVERYONE comes down with a cold?? I only went twice and now look at me...

Plus, my jaw hurts for no apparent reason...drat.

Yesssssssss....I made it: finally, the last exam...over.

Tonight, I´m planning on celebrating by getting really drunk...let´s see if I can get anybody to join me :)

So today I am supposed to learn for tomorrow...but the subject is so boring, I cannot really bear it. Hence, what I am doing is downloading mp3s to make compilations for my US vacation. If you asked me the one thing that I learned while travelling in the US it would be this:

NEVER EVER go on a trip with a supply of 1 tape (Gangsta´s paradise, too, what a shame) because you will end up doing karaoke versions of that song to the instrumental B-side by the time you arrive in Las Vegas.

While I was downloading, I was inspired by a friend of mine who made a cd (aptly titled "summertime") containing only versions of said song. For my theme-cd, I chose another song:"Sunny", which apparently was interpreted by such classic artists as Leonard Nimoy and Bill Cosby. We´ll see how that turns out...

Party´s over...it was ok but nothing special.

My second exam is over...it was ok but nothing special.

Notice a theme? Anyway. My vacation is coming up in a week...I am starting to get stressed out by having to plan. I guess I will end up as always: The night before I usually run into the basement, lug up a suitcase and throw everything I find in my closet in there. Always end up packing less of what I need and more of what I not need.

Did I mention that I hate people who make plans in advance of what they´ll pack? Who go to the bank weeks in advance to get money?? Who never forget anything at home??? Freaks!!

I totally forgot to mention that tomorrow we´re having a party...so if you feel like joining in the fun here is the invitation again.
The more, the merrier...But please, do not bring any people with the intention of stealing things, we do not own anything anyway.

Today, strangely enough, I am feeling rather relaxed compared to last weekend...Wondering if that is a good or a bad sign for my exam on Monday. I have no idea if I am prepared for it...

But at least today I bought shoes. Shoes are always good...I think all women will agree. If you ever come to our flat the first thing you will notice is that it kind of looks like a shoe store of some sort...

The other thing that I cannot get enough of are sunglasses...never let me enter a store that sells sunglasses without taking my money from me first...

That gets me thinking: There is always something for everybody that is good for your inner balance. With me that would be:

if I am upset, taking a bath and/or shower (really upset means shower, just relaxing means bath)

watching either of the following: While you were sleeping, The Replacements, Pride and Prejudice or Dirty Dancing (note: These are mainly used for relaxing purposes, I do not mean to state these are the best films of all times)

shopping

reading a book that I really like and have read a million times before

having some tea / NOT having any coffee!!

having chocolate pudding

If you like, you are welcome to use these suggestions for yourself (if you have your own, please, by any means, share them with me, I am always open to new suggestions).

So...today I am going to wax all philosophical. Why? Because yesterday my company sent me to the Oktoberfest early to make sure our table would not be given away. "So what?" you ask (quite rightly). Let me tell you: I got there at 4 and the rest arrived at half past five. Hence, I was sitting there alone, being patronized by the waitress who felt sorry for me, starting to feel sorry enough for myself...

Now comes the philosophical part:

Since I was sitting there alone it occured to me that I was the only one in my company with no significant other (why the hell did they have to send me, they all would have had company!!) I started wondering about the nature of love. And I was thinking: Why did love survive? From an evolutionary point of view, I mean...Fair enough, procreation..but that works very well without love (even if men think women cannot distinguish, let me tell you: we can).

But love: Just imagine a Neo-Troglodyte sitting in front of his cave..being in love...swooning...dreaming...not paying attention to his surroundings...WHAM! Gets eaten by a sabre-tooth tiger.

Or unrequited love: Imagine another cave-dweller...love-sick...whining...pining..not paying attention...WHAM again!

So what I am saying is: love is only good for sabre-tooth tigers in the end.

Not that I do not endorse being in love...it is just not really productive to either be in love or to be love-sick. Though most of the time you fall in love with the wrong people. Let me elaborate my experiences for you:

1. Was in love with my best friend
   
2. Told me I looked like a frog. I met him recently, though and he has lost all his hair, gained 40 pounds and is heavily on drugs. Talk about justice, when you need it :)
   
3. Became my boyfriend but could not be persuaded to go out with me because he would not spend any money except on Alien Special Edition Videos *cough*nerd*cough*. Not that there´s anything wrong with buying lots of Videos/DVDs but when you have spent ages to find a cheap place to eat because Pizza Hut was "too expensive" while you starve to death you also start seeing shopping sprees with a less than thrilled eye. He also owned one T-Shirt (Metallica) which he would bring to his Mom now and then to get it washed. Since I saw my future life passing before my eyes and it was quite unexciting I broke it off. Met him recently. He was wearing the Metallica T-Shirt. He got married this summer...I wonder what he wore for the wedding. Well, never mind. Sounds quite shallow of me now that I read it but it was mostly the "not being able to tie your own shoes without Mom" that actually drove me away.
   
4. Shagged me and left
   
5. Became my boyfriend and started off our relationship by spending our first christmas with his Ex. Was more interested in his clothes and his motorcycle than anything else (apart from himself, a topic that yielded endless room for conversation). Still owes me money for de-hairing his back (eww... gross... yes I know)
   
6. Blossoming love suddenly ended when I discovered he was married. Well, two months is a long time during which his wife might have misbehaved and he needed comforting or some such...Basically the fact left me speechless. Why even bother to get married when you plan on cheating after two months' time??? (If he waited that long, I somehow doubt it.)
   
7. And finally....picked another wrong guy.
   

In case some people who know me and who are keeping stats on my love life are saying: "That does not quite add up"...I told you I could distinguish between love and not-love (not-love meaning: "oh well, he is quite cute but I would not mind if we split up again" or "Completely drunk and not realizing he has no chin until the morning after"). I actually would have to exclude No. 6 from the list because I never really was in love with him, so he does not count. But his story was too good to be left out...

Anyway. These are my experiences, and as you see they are not the best, so no wonder I am feeling a little bit put out with love at the moment. Feel free to share your experiences, too, if you´d like...

Yay!!! My first exam lies in the past...and it actually went quite well. That is to say the grade was good while the exam (in my opinion) wasn´t. I answered "Don´t know" to a third of the questions and another third I was floundering around. To give me a good grade seems kind of unfair to people who know a lot. Hmmm...none of my concern!!

Awfully tired now since I haven´t slept too much last night (though I was cheered up by the end of the evening, thanks again :). Tomorrow I have to go to the Oktoberfest with the people at work...maybe I can go home early, I don´t really feel like squeezing into my dirndl and dealing with masses of people. Only bearable when completely drunk, I might add. But you cannot really misbehave in front of your employer, so the right state of drunkenness will have to be carefully maintained...

So. Tomorrow`s the day...actually, today is. Can´t sleep anyway...

I really hope I will not have a black-out or anything, I just want to get this over with.

Thank you everybody who had to put up with my crap the last few days...I hope the other exams will not be as bad.

I am wondering if tea and cookies to calm my nerves afterwards still are an option to consider...oh well.

The weekend went quite like I expected...by now I am almost out of my mind. My stomach hurts and I feel really sick most of the time...hooray. Constant worrying also eroded my ability to focus on the task at hand, great. So I cannot even analyze the personality disorders that I acquired...and taking baths all the time to calm down is also not really a valid option.

On Saturday I did not get much sleep, either...on the Oktoberfest somebody stole Uli´s bag with all of her things including her keys. So she called me up late at night if she could come over...which took some time, I might add.

And on top of it all, I am also feeling miserable. Not telling you why though. Just sharing my emotions so you can pity me and send me comforting e-mails :-)
Don´t mind me, at the moment I would even find a rock depressing if it happened to be in my vicinity. Thank goodness we live indoors or I would indulge in crying fits all the time. I am rambling on so I do not have to return to my books....but I have to...will somebody shoot me please and put me out of my misery...thank you very much.

I am now officially a nervous wreck. High on caffeine and nicotine most of the time (which helps a lot) and totally jittery. The exams are driving me nuts...which nobody believes me because normally I do not mind speaking in front of people at all.

But put me in an oral exam situation and I am reduced to a quivering mass of fear with a black hole on top of my shoulders (not a pretty picture, I grant). And now I am in a state being frightened of fright...great.

So yesterday all I could do was take a hot bath which always soothes the nerves...soaking in the tub..imagining a better universe...

In this context, I am wondering: Is it a good idea to imagine a perfect universe where everything works out the way you want to, when you have to live in this one anyway? Will visualising good things make them come to pass, after all, or will it just leave you thoroughly depressed? Discuss.

I wish there was something to take my mind off things this weekend. Instead, everybody seems to be going to the Oktoberfest which I do not want to as that would seriously interfere with my study plans. Great!!
It just seems to be destined to be one of those out-of-body-experience-weekends...oh well...this too shall pass.

Thank you for your kind attention. I will now go immerse myself in a book and pretend I am working.

Someone = Paul :-)

Official Apology. To some.

I have been called "hard" and "unforgiving" for my comments about dorks and such. So today I´ve decided to make amends. I hereby solemnly swear you can meet nice guys through ICQ.

For example, yesterday one guy invited me to dinner which turned out to be great fun. (Though it depressed me somewhat as his apartment seemed taken straight from "Better living" and mine looks like crap...I will never get design prizes)

And, contrary to my expectations you CAN have non-boring conversations on ICQ....
By the way, you might want to check this out…someone pointed this out to me and I really like it: disco volante

Had a very bad day today. All of a sudden my exams start looming on the horizon...I was told to research 300 more pages of literature ("all new studies, if you don´t mind") which means visiting the library even more often. And you remember how I feel about libraries....oh well..not everybody is cut out to finish university....

So. How was the party? It did kind of suck. Kind of. They gave us free food and alcohol...that was the good part. But there were terrible people there. There´s nothing worse than semi-famous people.

Ben "Son of Uschi" Tewaag.

Walter "Formerly I used to live in the Big Brother Container but now I am a bad actor".

Tommy "Since I left Samstag Nacht I obviously cannot afford a pair of decent pants" Krappweis.
Can it get any better? I don´t think so.

Or didn´t until we left for the Nachtgalerie (which can only be borne if you had at least 17 beers) and met people from Weilheim. (Sorry Weilheimians/Weilheimese/whatever, but it did not seem the Metropolis yesterday)

I think I learned my lesson: staying home on your couch does not look so bad anymore all of a sudden.

If you did not read the comments beneath my last post, let my update you:

A terrible thing has happened. Ulisch had her last cup of moopocino. It is over. Out. Finished. Done. Kaputt.

And we do not know where to get more. So if you have any knowledge of a moopocino dealer, please tell me, so we can continue having our daily fix...Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Anyway, tonight at least we are invited to a party and they promised us free food which is always good. The last party where we had high hopes sucked really badly, though....well, let´s wait and see.

Well, we can always hop into our Lambor...Lammbour...Ferrari and go someplace else :))))

Ulisch and me were watching Gilmore girls yesterday...

We are trying to watch all episodes in the correct order, but ep. 15 will not download...on this note:

If you are reading this blablabla: GET OFF KAZAA IF YOU HAVE NO FUCKING BANDWITH!!!

Watching Gilmore girls makes me me caffeine-intoxicated, by the way.......javajavajavajava.....

But there is one thing that always lightens up everybodys evening:

Moopocino from the Oink Oink mug!!!

(Thank you, Tinisch)

Had to go to the library again today with so many books for my exam that I am travelling around with a carry-on-bag on wheels looking like a stewardess.

Why am I travelling? Because they do not let you extend your books. Even if nobody wants them. Noooooo you may not. Instead, you lug them to the library, put them into the shelf and check out ANOTHER book NOT god forbid the same. Then you lug them back to your place where you do not read them. If I die from exhaustion tonight blame it on the freaking system.

Why am I not learning? Cause I discovered ICQ. Yes, it is all your fault, people :)

I should know it better. I used to chat a lot in my teenage years and I should have learned the lesson then: Chatting always leads to the same result: you get to know somebody...you talk to them often...you telephone...then you meet...and you have nothing to say to each other whatsoever. There is some exceptions, but not many.

This does not mean I will go as far as meeting everybody I chat with, by the way. I am rather selective in my attentions, having wasted countless years of my life (or so it seems) on endless meaningless everythingless chats with dorks.

And yes, that means you (possibly). Feel free to prove that you´re different.
(This does not mean that I am not a dork, too, by the way. No offense intended. But you probably are anyway. Offended that is. I probably offended the good people and the idiots are too dumb to realise it´s them I am talking about. "Oh, I am not a dork. I will tell her all kinds of funny jokes about ducks walking into bars and then we will proceed to erotic chat mode cause gals just loooove that.")

I´ve been having a bad day. Libraries do that to me...I feel completely inadequate wandering around among all those people who look like they are at home...

How can you actually like it there? It makes me depressed...

I should reeeeeeeeally study today but I am so fed up...should not have started so early. Instead, I am doing online riddles: Telepolis
....if you have any clue please email me. I´ll be ever so thankful.

hm...it´s working again apparently...so..what has happened in the meantime?

I am still trying to study for my exams...but it is sooooooooo boring. On one hand I will be glad when it is all over, on the other I am terrified that I will wake up one morning, the exam will be the next day and I am not really prepared to take it.

The miezekatze (Tinisch´s bunny) died which was very sad.

And a new thought has come up: All the men we meet are either married or have girlfriends but they do not seem to care in the least. Why then bother to get married? I would feel like a hypocrite standing before the altar proclaiming love and cherish and all that - till death do us part, too - and then go cheat on my wife the minute she turns her back. If somebody could please explain?

Haven´t posted to my blog in a long time...something is not right with the html I guess...trying to find out what is amiss will take ages!!!!

I just hate butterflies. And they know it. Nobody else is ever attacked by them. Had to fight for my life again tonight. Huge butterfly in my lamp...Yechhhhhh!!!

Just a note about an experience I had today: If you want to pick up men (or women), go ahead, buy a bonsai tree and walk along the streets with it. Everybody will stop and talk to you:"My, what an interesting plant you have there!!"
(Reminded me of the Little Shop of Horrors...)

The new Weezer video is just brilliant!!!
(I love Miss Piggy...always did)
CLICK HEREand follow the link to the keep fishin' video!

Movie Quote I Found And Thought Funny

C.D. BALES:
I have a dream. It's not a big dream, it's just a little dream. My dream - and I hope you don't find this too crazy - is that I would like the people of this community to feel that if, God forbid, there were a fire, calling the fire department would actually be a wise thing to do. You can't have people, if their houses are burning down, saying, "Whatever you do, don't call the fire department!" That would be bad.
Roxanne

Had a great evening. All hell broke loose outside but we made some coffee, sat on the balcony covered by towels and watched the thunderstorm.
Got soaked too and the coffee soon grew cold but it was fun anyway. It is just like a Broadway show or movie: you have special effects, sound, a wind machine and some
guy pouring water down.

In this context: We got into the habit of yelling: "The intern...the intern..." when something like that occurs in a movie. We do that since somebody pointed out that whenever it rains or something is thrown in from the side of the screen there probably is a low-paid intern somewhere on the set who has to throw the bucket of water/the fake snowflakes/the feathers onto the set (and probably clean them up afterwards..)

Unexpected limits

Heard the old Dean Martin favourite That´s amore which always makes me nostalgic and thought of something...

Some time ago I watched this movie "In the mood for love" it was called and it had "Qui sas.." on its soundtrack. Which was kind of strange as it was a Chinese movie and the Spanish song was kind of weird in this context - but it fit...It was very sad and this song mirrored that perfectly. And I thought sometimes it would be nice to have a playlist of songs like that.
Now the big disappointment: spent ages researching the internet. Nobody else seems to like this song, at least I did not find it anywhere. Must I go out tomorrow and actually buy it on CD? Does the internet actually have limits?

Relocated to Adrenalin and plugged in my little laptop.
I have to stay here now for an indefinite amount of time as I thoughtfully left my keys at home while Nyn is at the lake.

But the girls make me coffee and let me eat mixed nuts.
Thank you, Jule and Ulisch.

Blame it on the sunshine....great weather outside. Me inside studying.
Nyn went to the lake with her boyfriend. Life is unfair.

In addition, on monday I have to start an internship. Wonder how that will turn out.
Great planning: Blazing heat outside, I am working 9 - 6. And studying for my exams afterwards.
Oh yes, the pleasures of student life...(I hate people who say that)

Been thinking about this man-woman thing...
I am not a radical feminist yabbering on about how poor women are suppressed by evil men.
The point is that there is no equality between the sexes.
Why should there be? Men and women are different. But that is no excuse for persisting in adversive behavior, excusing it with evolutionary development.
This goes for both men and women.

For one thing: The argument that women should decide between motherhood and career and not juggle both is beside the point.
There should not be any problem with that, provided the men share some of the responsibility which they often don´t.

On the other hand it should also be OK for a woman NOT to have a career if they choose to.
There you go. Does that make any sense?

Feeling kind of woozy from all this serious thinking...(female brain overheating - we are very sensitive :)

Back again. Went to a friend´s place to have dinner and discuss men.
Since she was left by her boyfriend she is a fountain of wisdom regarding self-help books.
So we all swapped theories about the difference in male and female brains:
"You know, it´s all about evolution. They used to go out and hunt and then stare into the fire. And that´s what they still do."

Are all men like that? Is it in their nature? At least some of them should be able to overcome those genetic shortcomings...though we are growing more and more doubtful.

It´s not only men, though. It should not really matter to us but we found out we`re also ashamed of women who sing in front of 5000 people but cannot hold ONE SINGLE NOTE.

Plus, a freak text message had us meet Mark, who is going to Sylt with Stephen, but we lost him as the message was deleted out of confusion what to answer...
It could have been the beginning of a wonderful friendship, but alas! It comes and goes.

At least we got rid of all the lemon tarts we made on Friday. Thank you to all who took some off our hands.

You may know this..but then again..you might not:
Comparing biological warfare to Buffy. Strange but intriguing:
Buffy & the Terrorists

You know your life is less than perfect when you are at home actually watching X-Factor
AND YOU KNOW THE EPISODE.

Hallo Bruderherz...Ist es nicht fein? :))

edit your blog:
Hate studying.
Why is it that the more you have to do the less you actually get done?
Guess blogging does not really help.
I went to the library the other day and checked out about 300 books I have to read before my exam in September. They looked at me strangely. As if nobody else was doing the exam. Probably everybody else is already well-prepared.
Am I the only one who feels unprepared all the time?
I am constantly behind on information "Oh, we had to sign up for this YESTERDAY?".

Skeet shooting. Whoever invented that sport?

We can´t go on together...with suspicious minds...
Elvis rulez!

Viva Las Vegas!

On TV there are bad dancers rolling around on the floor.
"Whoever would watch something like that??" my flatmate asks.
Yep. Sunday mornings.

It disappears in the far away reaches of the Net.
Raining outside.
Depression takes hold. Must drink more coffee.

Good night everybody.

Why oh why....
Strangers in the night...
Dubidubidu.

I spy with my little eye. Hasn´t worked so far.
Let´s see what this turns out.